Paragraphs would make it more readable. It's about how the eye works.
Masses of type with no breaks tend to make the eye glaze over, especially for many of the less-sharp crayons in the Motherless box. Most professional porn writers realize this. Amateurs should learn it.
As for believeability, that's in the mind of the reader. Even in this miasma, it's difficult to conceive of the events unfolding as you describe - pleasant and erotic, yes, but as the Sicilian said, "Inconceivable!"
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