Did you ever have a role model in life, someone you look up to, and who makes you jealous?

I did.

In hs, I had this friend, popular blonde, very beautiful, and she was my best friend, and still is, to this day, but she is not the one - her older sister. Also a blonde, very beautiful, but since she is two years older than us, I always wanted to be like her, to attract men she does, to dress the way she does, act and conduct myself, like she does.

I wanted to be her.

By all objective standards, I do look good, some would argue very good, but I always felt that I came too short, comparing to her.

All this, pretty much ruined my sex life. My bfs were all, not good enough, since I couldn't imagine that she would be with them. Later on in life, all this is responsible for thousands of dollars, I left to my therapist, trying to get rid of this infatuation with her.

First stupid thing I did, was to have sex with her college bf. We had sex in his car. She somehow found out about his affair, and dumped him. I was 100% sure she knew it was me, but no, he actually had no idea that we were friends.

While we did it, I felt like her, and it gave me the best orgasm in my life.

After that, since, you figured out by now that we stayed close after hs and college (I was a maid of honor on her sister's wedding), she started dating this big guy, and it looked pretty serious. But men will be men, and after just a few signs I threw his way, he made his advance. We had sex for over a year. That was a great time, and the sex was amazing, once again. We did everything, anal, dress up, role play, everything. But, the catch was, that after a year or so, he told me he wants to leave her, for me.

That was the best feeling in the world, but... I panicked, and just cut any ties with him. Once again, I thought she will find out. No, he just left her, without any explanation.

That is the point in which I started therapy, and after some while, managed to distance myself from all that craziness. In the mean time, she met a man she later married.

I evaded her, and everything around her, until their wedding day. He was dreamy - tall, handsome, successful.

That day, I hooked up with the best man, just because he was his best friend, and it turned into a relationship.

For seven years, I was with this man, and I was thinking of another. That sent me into a spiral of sexual deviance (I am here, am I), and fantasy. Since he was his best friend, and I was a good friend of hers, we started spending lots of time together. I didn't wanna do anything, not even try - special thanks to my therapist - but it was just pouring out of me. We would go to vacations together, and I would, for instance ,sunbathe topless, in front of them, even though I never did that before. I would wait for the right moment, to ask him, when we were left alone, to rub in some sunscreen on me. Besides vacation, I would do similar stuff, just to point his attention towards me. He didn't even look at me, I was totally uninteresting to him.

After our evenings together, we would go home and have the greatest sex ever, all because I was thinking of him, while being with my bf. After a while, I even introduced a dildo in our sex, I was riding it, while sucking him off, or sucking it, while my bf fucked me, imagining that he was with us.

Somewhere along the way, in therapy, we realized that I have shifted my obsession from her, to him, fully. I started detesting her, hating her, with all the bad things going through my mind.

Then, one evening, he told all of us that he has some problems at work, and that he can't find a trustworthy assistant. Without thinking, I offered myself. Everyone loved the idea - who can he trust, if not one of his wife's closest friends.

Maybe a month after I started working for him, I dumped my bf. It was just me and him, all day long, my time is coming.

Only it didn't. I did all I could, wearing a short skirt, showing a glimpse of garters, only to be warned that I must dress more formally. Same happened with wearing no bra on a white shirt - not professional. I gave my best, but he just wasn't interested.

This went on for years, and years, and my sex life was non existent, residing on the web of fantasies, I was living off.

I met a man, from a nearby town, with whom I started having casual sex, and, I ended up pregnant. I found out early, two weeks in. Told him, and he asked me to move in with him, asking me to marry him. I said yes, without thinking, but after further insight by my therapist, we all agreed, it was the only way for me to heal, and that that would be possible only if I go as far as possible, and cut all of them out of my life.

I have announced the news to them, gave in my two weeks notice, and they were both happy for me. She asked me to promise that we won't become strangers, and that we will visit each other.

The last day in the office, he stayed late, so did I. When I entered his office, he was surprised that I haven't left sooner, and I said something like "not without saying goodbye".

He stood up to hug me, and I kissed him. He backed off, surprised, but when I tried it again, he did the same.

Couldn't beleive it! After all the bending over, teasing, unbuttoned shirts, he didn't even get it. I grabbed his crotch, and he was hard as hell, so I just got on my knees, and started unbuttoning him. I didn't plan on kissing him, it just happened, but this, in my crazy logic, I wanted to leave him no choice, because, what man would refuse that from a beautiful woman.

He was holding one of my hands, but I put his cock in my mouth. He said something like, "no, please", but then I started thrusting hard, swallowing it all. At that point he gave in, and enjoyed.

I was so wet, I thought I would leave a puddle on the floor. It was surreal. When he came in my mouth, I swear to God, I came, handsfree, fully dressed.

He looked like he got tossed around by a hurricane.

"What a hell was this?"he finally asked.
"Nothing you should worry about, I am moving and getting married."

And that was the end of it. Two days later, we moved, and I never saw them again. It has been more than five years. She called me a couple of times, but I didn't answer, and after a while she got the message.

I have healed. This confession is kind of a burden dumping, since I can't tell this to anyone else, except my new therapist. I still have leftovers from that life, I visit this place, and there is a dildo in our bed room, but his face is not there any more.

I understand that this can be a bit overwhelming, but it is what it is. You can judge me, I get that, many poor choices are behind me, but are we even human, if we have none of those.

I was in Walmart a couple of days ago and i saw this woman she was in the deli meat section you know by the sausages and Hot dogs. And she caught my eye from a distance because she had on these almost transparent tights on. But they were black and as she bend over you could see her entire ass and her thong if you can call it that. It was white and it had two traps that spread her but cheeks apart and ran between her crack and end the front it had three straps in the front one that ran down from her pelvis to a little triangle patch that covered but barely mind you her vagina the other two came from both sides and attached to the triangle as well. Now I didn't approach her right away i just kind of followed her around you no with out her noticing or so i thought then she went over to the end of an aisle and picked up a pepperoni and stoked and stoked it like it was a cock. Then I was hooked the way she looked when she held it like she wanted to fuck it right then. She looked around to see if any one was looking and i looked down really quickly and waited until i felt like she wasn't looking at me any more. Then i looked again and she smile at it and put it in her basket so after that i decide to walk up to her and try to get her number it seemed like she needed a man so when she started to the check out lane so did I and as she got in line so did i right behind her but i wasn't the only guy that was watching her their was about 10 or 11 guys following her. So I just Changed Lines and checked out and said maybe it wasn't for me and i got out of the store and she was parked right next to me in the parking lot and i said to my self what are the chances. As i got closer she said excuse me could you help me i locked my key and phone in my car could i possibly use your phone and i said i could do better than that so i got my Slimjim and unlocked the door for her then she said thank you. Then I said not trying to be to forward but do you have a man and she said no then I said well you look to good to be by your self. She said thanks and touched my arm then i asked her for her number and she gave it to me. As i walked over to my trunk she said hey what are you doing tonight I replied nothing she said well lets go out do something I mean if you want to I said ok and we made plan to go to the club. So i called her later that night and said where should i pick you up and she told me how to get to her house. And it was nice went to a strange club there were weird couples in there like a girl that was with a guy that was old enough to be her dad and a guy in there with a lady old enough to be his mama. but they where having fun dancing and kissing i felt kind of good i looked like i was the only person in there with some one close to my age and we began to drink and talk we got close on the dance floor and i kissed her and she kissed me back then we where making out by the bar as a young sexy girl about eighteen came up and grabbed her and kissed her right on the mouth and i was like whoa then a young guy right behind that and i got kind of mad then she introduced then this is Carl Jr and this is Lisa so i just assumed that the where her sister and her boyfriend so they stayed there with us then for a while they where kissing and touching each other and me and her guy friend just stood there looking and smiling he thought they same thing i did like these women are into one another but i had never been in to that so i was kind of uncomfortable then my girl said lets go baby you look a little uncomfortable so we went back to my car and on they way they came out behind us as we approached my car she stopped and pushed me up against my side door and began to blow me i just stood there like Oh shit and she was great then she came up and said i want you so bad lets go as we got in the car she said just drive while i'm driving she tells me to mover my arm and she begins to unzip my pants again and started blowing me again so I'm driving and she is sucking me like this is the first time she has had a dick in years then she tells me to slap her ass but i was driving and i couldn't really focus because she was doing such a good job but i slap it then we where in her drive way and she pushed me back in the seat and really started to get in to it then i saw lights come on inside her house and i told her to stop so she said lets go inside as she led me to the house and as we made it to the hall way we heard noises she turned on the lights and it was her sister and her boyfriend on the couch she yelled get a room and laughed then we went into the kitchen she jumped on the counter and spread her legs pulled her panties to the side and said do you want to taste me and i reply yes very much her pussy looked so delicious it was bald and shiny i guess because it was wet right as i went down on her here they come but she didn't let me come up she held me there with her leg as i got into a rhythm she let me up and she was kissing the guy he had his dick out and the girl was sucking his cock i pushed him back and said hey whats going on then she said i thought you were ok with this and i said i have never done this before and she said just go with it most guys like it when me and her do this i thought you where the one who would bring us together but if you don't like it and her sister said mom i thought you said he didn't mind us doing this and i was like what mom and she said you told me that i would be able to fuck another guy besides Carl Jr then i thought about all the things i had seen in the club older guys younger girls older ladies younger guys then it hit me they where into incest and my dick got hard again i don't know why but it did then the daughter began to cry and i said ok don't as i walked over to her her mom said no you leave you don't want o make love to my beautiful little girl and i said that not it as i leaned in to kiss her and she stopped crying and kissed me back then she maid me and her mom kiss then she maid her mom and her brother kiss yes her brother then she began to blow me and her mom joined in as Carl Jr rammed his cock into his mom and i watch my dick was so hard i thought i was going to explode at any moment then she got on top of me and her mom said i hope you like anal as her little daughter sat her tight ass on my cock her mom got off of carl and came up to my face sat put her cunt on my mouth and it was wet I mean sloppy dripping wet it was dripping on my face before she sat down and i licked every drop up as carl jr shoved his dick into her she sprayed me in the face but i continued to lick and suck as much as i could now i'm getting in to it and it was getting really good the mom actually pissed in my face as carl jr pulled his cock out of her but she didn't get up she sat back down and grind on my face even harder her daughter rode my cock like it was the last she would ever have and carl just kept forcing his dick in his mothers mouth and she kept sucking him i thought i was in the outer limits or some thing but this was really happening and i liked it we switched position and was behind the daughter and the daughter was licking her mother and the son was fucking his sister while i fucked her and she was loving it and so was her mom then they both where cumming at the same time i knew the mother squirted but i didn't know the daughter did as well but i found out very quickly as her pussy sprayed my balls and his cock i pulled my cock out of her ass and shoved my tongue in and she yelped and her mother laughed and said what was that and she said he put his tongue in my ass and and her mom said oh a special treat you know i love it when i guy does that to me and her daughter said wow mom way to be subtle and her mom said well i want him to lick my asshole too as i shoved my cock back into her daughters little ass i told her to bring her ass to me if she wanted it and she did we where in the family room right in front of the bar so she bent over and spread her cheeks right in my face so i grabbed her leg and pulled her ass to my face then she threw the other leg over my shoulder and i shoved my face in her ass and tried to stick my tongue into her stomach and she moaned so loudly that her son said dam that must feel great i never heard you sound like that before and she just continued then her daughter slid off my dick and began to suck my cock right as i exploded into her mouth aand her mom was still on my face so i just kept on holding her up and licking her ass then i felt her slide me back in her ass and i pounded her harder and harder then i felt a tongue in my ass and i jumped and turned around and looked and it was Lisa so i thought what the fuck and her brother was on my cock and i wanted to punched the shit out of him but his mom said no don't i told them to do it i just thought you might really like it and be ok with him doing it and i began to get up and leave i put back on my clothes and began to walk to my car and the mom ran out behind me with a towel on and she caught me by car then she grabbed me and said didn't it feel good didn't you like how it felt you were really into it until you knew it was him and i got in my car and left then i got home that was the end but since then i have began to think about it i went to sleep and i dreamed of fucking him in his ass and how i really liked having sex with them even thought they where family and how his ass felt like hers and how they did what ever i wanted to do and he didn't try to fuck me so as long as that doesn't happen why couldn't i just fuck the whole family.. I need some help Tell me what you think all advice is welcome.

Sincerely Your's The Incestuous Lover

I confess when staying at hotels, I like to put the maid service door hanger on the outside, and wait around nude on my bed for the maid to walk in. Sometimes I'll pretend I'm sleeping with a boner in clear sight. Othertimes I'm just jerking off on the bed. The immigrant maids will stay and watch, the white and black maids leave immediately. Best yet, the non-english speaking ones can be coaxed into lending a hand! Nothing is more thrilling than blowing a load in front of a maid who then cleans it up out of obligation!

I'm a 36 year old white man. I want a 30 year old woman to come to Canada to be my pet. My pet will be taken care of and given a good life. Publicly she will be treated as my wife, behind closed doors she will be whatever I want, be it a maid or a pig or a dog. Sometimes she will be a piece of furniture. I will never cause permanent pain. I love my pet. My pet will never be hungry and always healthy and safe. It can be any color and weigh 95 to 200 is pounds can be bigger ( not obese tho) you have to be able to hold your ass open for me to use toys and cock on your holes. No men, I only want female pet. Willing to get preggo . If you want to be my first pet message me. Especially if your canadian

Sometimes I fantasize crossdressing and being in a room full of tall musclar handsome white guys and all of them are fucking me and one of them takes me home with them where I become his maid and every night when he comes home from work, we have sex.

It all started when I first met her. She was such a beautiful girl that anyone would had crush on her. It took me a whole year to get in her friend’s list. She was my classmate’s neighbor.
Soon she enrolled in my polytechnic for diploma which can persued after 10th standard.

I was part of mechanical program. She was another. We were been first roaming like friends but her attraction towards me increased day by day. Personally I don’t believe much in love or something like that. But I do believe in some sort of bond of friendship.

She was that girl who entered in my life and had me like there was nothing, we occasionally dated, gone for outing and she fall for me. She asked me whether I love her or not?

I never gave her intention of NO. I wanted her in my life, but deep down in me I was not same person who everyone can see from outside. I had many passing affairs, many times her girlfriends warned her that I was with another girl. She knew I have a very big circle of friends and yes she always trusted in me so she thought i was never cheating on her.

Many times I never managed gave her as much attention as she wanted, but she never complained me about this. She knew I have my business responsibilities, which i started like when I was 14-15. Many peoples including her never knew that those businesses are actual successes and making a ton of money, which I was investing in many places basically because those businesses were not shiny white businesses.

She knew I have to earn for family, which I started due to my mom’s illness which diagnosed as cancer. Back then cancer was a very rare decease. It took my father whole his lifetime saving to get his boys mother back in. but he managed that and I knew it is not working well so I started working.

So in my polytechnic I cheated on her many girls, milfs and whores. She was confident that I am promised to her, she even dreamed of getting married, having kids together. One day when my mom dad were out of town so she came my home to give me surprise, but she got surprised by me.

I was cheating with her best friend. She was sobbing outside the door and I was with her best friend inside room, when I fininshed I heard someone sobbing so I came out of room and saw her. Her friend tried to explain her but she was crying constantly. I asked her friend to leave, she evaporated like moisture. I held her chin and there was anger in her eyes. She slapped me, many times even tried to hit me with many things, but I was trained to take many times punishment what she was giving and then hugged me.

She cried in my arms like for half hour, I didn’t had courage to separate. But she made mind and asked me “she isn’t the first one?” I nodded. Another slap in my face.

I looked her in eyes and told “you can’t handle my dark side, so it will be better if someone else should face it”

She “is that all?” I nodded again.

Until this time just her mom knew about me and him. She locked herself in room constant crying and she didn’t touched her food for a day. Then her dad come to know about me via her mother.I apologized to her and fed her.

But there was something, we both were from same caste (yes I am an Indian) but her father hated me, even her mother, there were many reason, I was a bad boy. I belonged to visually lower economical class of society and my businesses were not as good in terms many things. Her father was a bank officer and her mother was teacher whereas my father started path in more hard working class. My mom always loved her but in her family all I received was hate.

When she started meeting me again I made it clear that I will continue my relations with other girls/ women and that day I told her whole truth about cheating. It was hard for her but deep down she thought be changed so she continued.

After some years I got a big contract so I shifted temporarily to another city, in which part she survived long distance relationship for a year, when I cheated on her like every night. But when I returned I was different man in my professional life I was punctual but in my personal life I got drinking problems.

She was so worried about me and my drinking habit and it started reflecting on her academics. She use to cry all night long and gone in depression. But the deal breaker was her niece who was 2-3 years younger to her. She got attracted to me, I took some interest in knowing her intentions. She once caught me with her when I supposed to be at another place with my guy friends. It was too easy for her to get attracted to me, I am tall, stud, handsome(some girls think of) with witty and charismatic personality.

At that day I realized what I was doing with her, messing with her emotions. So I decided to cut her loose. It was painful for her but I did it for her own good. I wanted a good future for her, a good, loyal husband who can be with her and only her. I failed in every of these conditions so i gulped reality.

It took a year for her to come out of breakup. She got a good respectable job. As it was much discreet relationship so her mother pushed her towards arranged marriage thing. Which come out to be my cousin, but she wasn’t agreed to this.

Her mother came and begged me for her, at that point she and my cousin both were confused. I thought I would be good for both of them as both of them are good fellas so they might have good marriage. I agreed my brother to meet her, but getting her ready for meeting him was the real deal.

And I tricked her I texted her to come at meet point. She was very happy, even her mother was surprised what I had did that this dead girl started dancing to meet. When she reached café she was absolutely stunning, but later shocked after noticing my cousin. She got furious, but I managed situation and manipulated both of them into thinking that they both are perfect match, while having that I cleared to my cousin that I had passing affair with her in past but it didn’t worked out, I cut her loose so that she don’t have to suffer. He bought my story and then tricked her into thinking that he is the guy who is made for her.

My intentions were clear; I wanted her happy in married life. After her marriage I maintained my distance from her nad my cousin. Years passed my mom passed away, she was there at the last moments of my mother two years ago. After 2 years she met me one month ago and requested me to have some time with her.

So we had a lunch where she told me she and her husband cant have a baby and her in laws family having expectations from her. I didn’t asked her why it was never been my concern, even didn’t advised her anything just told her whenever she want to talk I will be there for her. Atleast I can talk to her when she is sad.

Since many years the point when I know myself I have been very numb to emotions. Never showed any emotion to anyone. Deep down I was dead. I lived from outside just to have fun with women and money. As I have seen poverty in my childhood money had made deep scar in my mind. After my mom’s death everything changed I lost track of pleasure from women my life was single motivated to money satarted showing off that I am rich but that was the point when I became truly dead. I was very successful in my professional life but in my personal life I just lost track by miles.

Last night she showed up at my door, it was late night, she was crying. I took her inside. She didn’t said anything so we sat down for half hour. I guessed either she had fight with her husband or inlaws or with her parents, but I dint asked. I left to my bedroom where she followed me, hugged me tightly, but I didn’t want her to cheat on her husband knowing she might regret that forever. Well I had done it with her before but now time has changed she is married.

So I poured some whiskey for both of us. I know she can’t handle alcohol too much. She talked to me for an hour about things we had with. And then she passed out. I left room called her husband that she is at my home, he wanted to come, I smelled some bullshit going on, so I told him that she need some time alone. I think she need some time to sort issues out.

Wake up early told maid to wake her up at time and instructed driver to drive her to job, wait there for her and take her to my home again for some days. I am leaving town for 3 days left note to wait for me as I have to take care of business.

Her husband works at town which is pretty much not so close so he come to her for weekends, and she is living in my town with her in laws.

As far as her end I don’t want her to cheat on husband and regret that forever, as she and her husband both are emotional guys, both earns much but both are not emotional punch bags like me. As far as my end I don’t want to have my cousins wife and mess around in my family as I have to maintain some prestige.

I am in dilema what i should do.

Thank you for reading.