So, I have a confession. More of an admission I guess.

I'm not homosexual, maybe I'm bisexual. It's hard to tell, because I've never been with a man. I've always loved women, and I'll never stop wanting them. But lately, I've been thinking about experimenting with being a "bottom".

I guess I should start from the beginning here. The last girl I was with, I guess it was a year or so ago, was the love of my life. I had finally found the girl I wanted to marry, to be with until one of us died. I was happy, and she was EXTREMELY adventurous sexually. Our first night together before we were a couple involved a threesome with her friend. It was actually initiated by her friend actually. That's another tale though.

SO, after we started really dating, things clicked quick, and we fell in love. Love isn't something that I throw around without meaning, she's actually the first of any of the girls I was with that I truly felt it for.

Sex was fantastic. We fucked like rabbits, we fucked in public, in my car, just, wherever, whenever. I STILL to this day dream about the sex. Well, while she would be blowing me, she would always massage around with her other hand, and one day, she went low and started pushing her finger against my asshole.

I never really got into the idea of having my ass fondled, but she was the kind of girl who would convince me to jump off of a cliff. I mean, this girl was heavenly, with a mix of the devil. Natural beauty, un-dyed Raven hair, tits that were out of this world, hell I doubt I'll ever do better.

Anyway, so she starts working around it, and I'm not so much in a panic, but just wondering what I should do. Damn if she didn't figure it out for me, a quick deep throat made me release whatever pucker I had as I felt the ecstasy of her pleasuring, and she worked her finger right in.

She looked at me, and just held her finger in as she stroked my cock with her other hand, and smiled. I smiled too, because, I loved her, in my head I was worried that if I enjoyed it, she might think I was weird.

Well, more and more times during sex, she would work her finger in during a blow job right to the point where she started working her finger in and out. I didn't stop her, because she enjoyed it, and honestly I did too now. It was an extra pleasuring to my already fantastic fucking.

I decided to pay her back with some ass play of my own one day, and I turned her on her belly as I massaged her, working down along the hump of her bottom, spreading her cheeks and working my tongue in. She moaned in joy as I tongued her ass and fingered her clit at the same time. I had never eaten a girl's ass before, but if there was a girl to try it on, it was her. I had fun, she was very clean, as am I, so I wasn't worried about anything "gross". Who am I kidding, I freaked out at first, but in the moment, you just go all in. You know it.

Well, the next night, she decided to PAY me back for her pleasure. She told me to lay on my back, because she wanted to give me a massage. I told her it wasn't a big deal, because massages didnt do it for me. They still really dont. I don't find them too erotic unless I get a bj at the end. Which I never did haha.

She playfully tells me to just do it, so I abide. She starts massaging me, and after a few moments, I realize she started working a lotion around my bottom. Now, I've been told that if I posted a picture of my ass, and hid the fact that I was a dude, I could have men jerking off to it. I've often considered doing it as a joke. Then revealing that the ass belonged to good ol' me. Anyway, back to the story..

She starts rubbing lotion on me, and beckons for me to get up on my knees and elbows. She starts to use the lotion to stroke my dick and balls, and it feels fucking fantastic. I'm wondering to myself, "My god, how can it get any more awesome??!!" When all of a sudden, I feel a warm moistness start to tickle around my cheeks. I tensed up when I felt her breath roll over my ass, a little warm air against my bottom.

Suddenly, she begins licking and rolling her lips around my ass hole as she strokes. I tried my best to not cum, but it was probably the best feeling I've ever had in my entire life. I came BUCKETS. I'm pretty sure I applauded her.

So, some time passes, and one day after lunch on a weekend, she tells me she wants to start using toys. Again, I've never used toys. Never really figured much for them, as I have the perfect toy for a girl right between the legs.

I tell her to get whatever she wants, and we'll try them out. So, a few days later a package from Amazon shows up at our door (we lived together for a bit in a nice rental house) and low and behold, she ordered a vibrating dildo.

I joked with her and said I was sad that she didn't think my dick was up to par anymore and she laughed and said that they were the same size, she just wanted to try a few things. So the night the dildo came, I was eager to see what she had in mind.

She asked me if I'd fuck her in her ass. I'd never had anal sex with a girl before. Don't get me wrong, I tried. My ex some time before her flew off the bed in pain because I was too big. And since then, its never really been anything I thought of doing. The vagina and mouth work just as well.

I said hell yeah, and after careful careful careful amounts of effort, we got it in, and the fuck began. At first it was slow, incredibly slow. Almost to the point where I was just wanting to take it out and fuck her normal. But, as she always did, she surprised me. She started fucking speeding up to the point where it was like I was railing away at her like normal. I still was careful, I'd read too many horror stories.

In all this, I'd forgotten about the dildo. The purple, ugly, veiny didlo. The damn thing sat next to her as I fucked her ass sideways.

Now, I've watched a lot of pornos. And they've been the best education a man could ever need. I grabbed the damn thing, I never held one before, so it was like holding another man's penis. Odd. I decided I was going to double penetrate my girlfriend. I slowed down enough to work it in, and with the satisfactory moan from her, I did my best to maintain a rhythm. Eventually, I handed the rains of ol' Veiny to her and it was epic. She came a lot, I came a lot, and it was a fantastic night.

A few nights later, because I was out of town, I came home to her in a sexy little number and the ol Veiny on the bed. I figured we'd be repeating the night we had earlier in the week, and I was excited. The way she could work a dick, damn I hate the guy who she's with now...

So, we set about it, and she gets the lube out and starts applying it all over the dildo. I kind of had an idea what she was up to. I'm not a moron, and I'm horny like 99% of the time. The other percent I'm sleeping. She asks if she can use it on me.

I stared at her for a while wondering if there was a wrong answer here. I didn't know if it'd be like Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, where I had to "Choose Wisely", or not. I decided, since she and I had been having wild nights, what the hell. We only live once.

Well, haha, it didn't work out. I did not have the anal space for anything like that, and honestly, I was terrified. I could tell she was disappointed, but not completely downtrodden about it. She told me that we'd have to work up to it. I agreed, if only to appease her.

So over the next couple of months, she would use two fingers instead of one, increasing slowly to three, to the point where it almost hurt when she was working her hand in and out.

Well, things didn't work out between us, and we ended up breaking up before ol' Veiny ended up anywhere near my ass. This is where I'm at now, and I can't figure out what's going on in my head.

I've had thoughts about having a dick jammed into my ass, and it subsequently railing it. I mean, not just any dick, a fit, young fellow like myself. Not a beary old dude. I dunno, there's just something about it that turns me on. I dunno if its because I still am drawn back to the passion with my ex, and kind of "finishing" what we set out to do, or what. I mean if that was the case, I'd just stick a dildo up there and call it a day. I think there's more to it than that.

I have what some may say is a sexy penis. Its not ugly or funny looking, its just exactly what its supposed to be. And I think thats the kind of penis I'd hope for haha. I see some of them in porn, and its kind of a turn off. So, I know its not the penis that draws me.

I've thought, maybe just a girl with a strap on? But I dunno, I feel like if I were to go that far, why not have it be a real, pulsing, throbbing cock?

These are questions I ask myself all the time. I know I love women, but maybe I'm not opposed to the idea of an attractive man. Only sexually though. I couldn't have a "relationship", per se. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a supporter of equal rights, politically, sexually, you name it. I'm just not gay in that way. If at all. I think its a sort of bicurious attraction that I'll never fullfill. I dunno. I just had to get it out I suppose. I don't really talk to anyone about my sexual habits, so I figure a sex message board might be the place to do it.