I want to hook up with a sexy, super fem shemale, not just to fuck, but to love. Wether or not im gay because of this fantasy doesnt really bother me. Problem is, im too much of a chickenshit to make that gigantic of a step into "deviance". Everyone i know would probably shun me. and i wouldnt want to lose all my friends and hurt my family over something that might not even work out.

Oh, and lets not forget that i already have a g/f thats helping me get through school and paying all the bills... but i honestly dont love her anymore...

things could be worse, but ill be fucked if this doesnt suck ass.

:(

When I had my son I never put much thought into his sexuality. After I got divorce it was hard raising him alone because I worked job that had shifts and so he would be alone sometimes. He was in the upper single digits when I got divorce so it was hard on him.

Due to my job sometimes he would be home alone and that means him having friends over. I was searching for something on my computer one day and I found porn from I site I never visited. I did not know what to say so I said nothing. One day I came home to him and the kid down the hall on my computer and I could tell they were up to no good as they had a guilty look on their face. That night I went in my browser history and their is was again porn from a site that I do not visit. What struck me most was it was straight, bi and gay porn which slept me speechless.

I tried to be open and so I had the sex talk with him and told him I was ok if he was gay. He said he did not know and that he felt funny down their when he saw the videos. The kid that came by was 2 years old than him. It is hard to keep them apart as we lived in an apartment then and so sometimes I had no baby sitter and had to go to work.

He had a birthday coming up and I invited all the kids in the building for a cake, pizza and ice cream party and he had a ball. The next day he called and asked if the friend could come by and I was so guilty for having to leave him I said yes. This time I came home unexpectedly and caught them touching themselves. By this time I noticed he was always hard and he had this habit of rubbing on me. I was so surprised I ended up moving away thinking that would help.

I moved into a house and I had a guy who shared the house with me. He would sometimes let my son come by and play with his games. One day he called to let me know my son could not come by because he caught him watching porn on his tv. I was so embarrassed but thankfully not long after he moved away.

I then started dating this guy as I was single for 3 years now and it was time I had some fun. I would always go to the guys place and sometimes I would take him with me. The guy also had a son who was older and once we were having set in his room and when I came out I saw him and the guys son sucking each other in the kids room. I was so shocked I brought him home right away. When we were going home I asked about the experience and he said he liked it and want to be friends with him. I forbid him because not that I was mad at him being gay but that he was young and I felt it was my fault now a few years later he is secluded he no friends and I wonder if its my fault.

I am ok with him being gay its the age and experiment that scared me. I did experiment at a young age myself and felt that I wanted him to be innocent as long as possible not like myself now I feel I was a hypocrite. Was I wrong? I welcome all comments and suggestions.

I confess that I get off to anything that shocks me. Motherless helps with ita little but it's almost like an addiction, I need it and everything else seems too ordinary and plain.

In real life I'm fairly normal... except when the sudden urge to do something spontaneous and shocking takes over, and suddenly I'm seeing a prostitute, cumming in my female friend's shampoo in the washroom, finding videos of my parents fucking in their private collection and masturbating to it, or even getting sucked off at an adult bookstore while watching gay porn. None of it really appeals to me but the shock value that I'm doing it is intense. I once paid for humiliating dominatrix phone/cam sex because half the time my brain was getting off to the thought of "I can't believe I'm doing this" and "what the fuck am I doing?". I'm starting to think that I can't control this compulsion although another part of me doesn't want to.

I'm guessing I'm not the only one on Motherless who gets off to shocking things though. But I'm thinking I have a pretty bad case.

took 120mg of adderall xr and masturbated for nearly twelve hours. i thought i was straight until after about the 8th hour my friend (who's gay) showed up i told him what i had going on....he offered to help me out. never done anything gay/bi until today and i skipped every levell and ended up letting him cum in my mouth....and enjoyed it! now i have someone to swap oral with! strangely wonderful!

so i use to talk to this girl to get pics of her naked nice tits and ass but one day i was chating with her and got on cam and show her my cock then she told me her gay friend was watching and i got even harder so i told her i did'nt care so i keep jacking off and cum soo much later that night i got a new # text and it was him we talk for a few hrs then he ask of a pic of my cock i ask for what he told me he like it and wanna to jack off to it i told him if he sends me one and right after that i had a nice hard cock pic got me rock hard in a sec so i sent him one and a few mins later i got a pic of him cumming so i sent him one back he told me he wanna to suck it so bad but told him i did'nt swing that way. so after a few weeks of texting and not geting any he told me how much he love sucking and would love to do mine so i told him ok so one night he pic me up we whent to a park and he was rubing my cock it was so hard he told me to pull it out did'nt wast any time i pull my pants off showing my hard cock and he did'nt skip a beat he was sucking it and omg the best bj ever had he suck it for what felt like to be hrs sucking as deep as he could go and sucking my balls i loved it i told him i was going to cum he suck even harder tell i came best ever and he kelp sucking and playing with my balls then sat up told me he loved it and that he was hard so he pulled it out and ask if i wanna to try sucking but i pussy out on it so he ask if i could jack him off so i did his cock felt good in my hand as he cum we sat and talk for a few then whent home as when i got home i jack off agen bc i got so horny with his cum on my hand after that we meet up a few more times at the park as he suck me off. but then one day he ask if i wanna to come over to his place for more fun bc it's been geting harder to do things at the park bc it was nice out so we when't to his place and when't right to to his room and he started to kiss my neck and rub the out side of my pants i was so hard as soon as i walk into his place he got down and on did my pants and pulled my cock out and began to suck it idk why but tell this day best head ever had so hot and wet made me cum so fast and he sip it all up he got butt naked and was hard too and ask if i would help him out so this time i man up and got on all fore and put his lil fat cock in my mouth did teast bad so i was sucking the best i could i had no gag so i was going balls deep as i suck it i got rock hard agane and he saw ask if i wanna too 69 i was like hell ya so i was sucking him as he was sucking me i felt so good then i felt im stop sucking and holding my head and he was cuming was sooo good i didnt stop at all never did i think i would try cum but yummy then he ask if i wanna to fuck him i was not going to stop he got some lube and bent over and i slide right in then i was thinking i sould be wering a rubber but it felt so good i did'nt care any more i was fucking him so hard and he loved it he got on top and was riding me i told him i was going to cum he told me to cum in side right when he told me that i came soo hard and keep fucking him as i did'nt want it to stop after a hr of fucking we whent to shower we fuck a few more time he try fucking my ass but could never get it in wish i had his number tell this day for more fun but we parted ways my cock misses his ass so much

I confess. I do not want to learn anything more about women. They are truly evil.
Plus I think I am going gay as I always seem to be around assholes. I must like it cause I do it allot. Women are such a pain in the ass even some who I do not get to fuck. Someone help i need some testosterone or something.
I love my wife but I am tired of her bullshit views on life,love, family , politics..
SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! 6 feet under. Good night my friends.

sorry so much has been going on the last couple days i have had time to talk more about Todd and Nick.
nick was dropped off by his step mom "my daughter" for looking at gay porn and thinking he was gay and maybe wanting to try it one day. my daughter hates me because i'm bi and she caught me getting ass fucked one time and she stopped talking to me coming by or anything. then out of the blue she showed up and dumped her 19 year old step son off and said something a faggot for a faggot or something like that and drove off. after talking to him for a while a friend showed up to help him feel at ease.
NO we was not trying to push him into trying gay. we understand how he felt and still feels. mostly about being disowned by his family. we all been there.
but for some reason out of the blue things turned fast and go pretty wild fast.
the nice part for me was nick wanted to try and take a dick in his ass. and todd is fucking hung and hurts a lot of ass's when it fucks them and i'm 3 inches shorter then him and a good 1 inch thinner. so i got to take his cherry and he loved it. before the night was over nick even took most of todds monster coke and nick even got to fuck my GF/ neighbor. all with in like 9 hours.
now its been a few days and about then only thing none of us will not do is scat. other than that we will at least try it once.
well back to nick and todd.
they say they are not a couple but Nick is now todds bitch 100%. at my house about 90% of the time we are naked once we close the gates and when we setting around watching tv. all limp dick and all eating snaked and nick comes up set beside todd and the next thing we notice is nick is trying to get todd hard and starts sucking his dick until its brick hard. then sets on it and rides it until it goes limp 2 or 3 times a day. and he saw i was sounding myself and wanted to try it. and he loves it. i told him he is now the house slut. that he will bend over for anyone that wants his ass. and he agreed.
what he dont know is this weekend we plan to give him his first piss enema. and todd can go balls deep and piss a gallon and not alot of people can do that.
even though nick wasn't sure if he was gay or not at the time he was dumped here. we all knew and he damn sure knows now.
and todd to him to a fast food joint the other day to eat and made him wear a small butt plug. and while walking our gay trail todd make him go bottomless the entire time. to bad there was only one other guy out. but we plan on going back soon. my g/f wants to start stretching his balls already. not sure we going to let her do that yet.
we order pizza all the time and one of us answers the door naked every time we do. but we tip great and never had any one bitch yet. and the next time he will be the one to answer and sometimes its a guy that wants ass instead of a tip.
but for some reason nick is todds bitch and i really dont think he wants anyone else. but time will tell.