My name is Mr. Gas. You've probably met me. I'm in Sales/Marketing for a large company. I'd admit that over the years I've become quite bored with my life. One night, I ate something horrific. I got into the elevator and I couldn't even make it back to the hotel room in time and let a HUGE fart rip because whatever I ate certainly didn't agree with my stomach. I looked up and PRAYED that the elevator would go all the way to the 10th floor but, no dice... it stopped on 7 and an elderly couple got on with me. I watched in the reflection of the doors and could tell they were almost gagging. I felt so bad.

Since that situation I've been changing my diet to include foods that will without a doubt give me the worst gas possible.

Here are the places I've let it go and ended up causing a massive panic (in some cases):

1. Shopping Center
2. Mall
3. JC Penney's (they had to clear out an entire department)
4. My car...accidentally, I had to hold my breath because my windows don't roll down and I was stuck in rush hour traffic. I looked over at a couple next to me and turned blue and they couldn't figure out what was wrong but it was SO bad in my car that I almost had to jump out even if we were doing 5mph.
5. Wendy's, people evacuated the building, including employees
6. Carpool, we pulled over and got out for several minutes. I blamed the driver's dog but I think they knew it was me.
7. Starbucks
8. Chipotle, I had loaded up on beans!
9. Office Buildings are PERFECT
10. I once had a "medical emergency" after I took the hugest shit I've ever taken in my life in an office building's public restroom. Shit was all over the place and I couldn't STOP. I must have been quite constipated because it just kept coming, I felt SO ashamed.

...and lastly, an airplane which is my favorite because NO ONE can go ANYWHERE! Last flight, even the Captain apologized to the entire crew and passengers due to the smell which they attributed to an electrical or issue with the plane, we were diverted to another airport and passengers were interviewed by the TSA and FBI.

I just can't stop, I can't help it, I don't want to help it.

I must be going, need to buy new underwear.

Toodles!

Just had the weirdest job interview for a designer position.
There were three people interviewing me at once. The manager was an old guy, the tech lead was a guy in his 30s who looked really gay and the design lead who was a really nice looking dark skinned woman with a slight accent. I don't know why the tech lead was there because I don't have anything to do with the technical side.

The tech lead just sat there during the first half of the interview saying nothing. He told the manager he wanted to talk outside of the interview room and both of them left. While they were gone the design lead and I were talking about color palettes, brand identity, and standards for a few minutes then she switched gears and wanted to know more about my personal life since occasionally I would be on call at night. I said that wouldn't be a problem since I always kept my cell phone on and I was single at the moment.

She started asking me what types of things I like to do after work, what my outside interests were, we started talking about favorite foods...it felt more like the conversations you have on a first date than in a job interview.

The manager came back in apologizing that the tech guy realized he wasn't needed in the interview and he finished the interview with more team related questions.

The design lead walked me down to the lobby and as I thanked her for the interview she wrote a number on the back of her business card and handed it over to me saying they they are going to make a decision quickly and if I don't hear anything by the end of the day to call her cell and perhaps we could chat more.

Am I missing something or is she trying to pick me up? I'm going to call her later this afternoon and if she wants to talk more I'm going to suggest that we could meet for drinks near her workplace. Do you think this is a bad move?

Thanks!

I love to fart in inappropriate places like fast food places,churches, weddings, office meetings, elevators. My favorite way is a S.B.D where no one knows its me.

This is my first board post so lets make it a good one. If you enjoy the begging I will finish it off.

This is a true story in its entirety, but I'll set the stage for you.

I am the second youngest of four siblings, two half older sisters and a younger full sister. For reasons I won't go into my sister was adopted at birth by family friends and then disappeared from my life until a few years ago. We met again for the first time when I was at a family wedding, she walked across the grass and I recognized her instantly, she was gorgeous. She started running towards me and jumped at me with a laugh, wrapping her arms around me in a ferocious hug. She was just my type, shame she was my sister... I banished the thought from my mind and enjoyed the moment. It was a flurry of activity as my entire, and quite large, family wanted to meet us both and congratulate us on our meeting. All we wanted to do was catch some alone time to catch up and get to know each other, we excused ourselves and went to a nearby bar for a drink. We hit it off instantly, she was the hot female version of myself, funny, smart, fit with an infectious smile. We traded stories and facts about ourselves, our pet peeves, favorite foods, and sports we had played. She stopped talking and laughed.
"It really is too bad we are related." she blurted out, blushing and taking a drink.
Her unexpected statement made me laugh and half choke on my beer. I couldn't agree more, but it was was it was and she was off limits.

Later that night we lay on the couch, moving closer and closer while we talked until we were cuddling. Our hands lightly touching each others bodies. I have never felt so in touch with anyone before, the tension was palpable. We stayed up talking until three am, we hesitantly pulled away from each other, both exhausted and ready for bed.
"Goodnight," I said and on impulse I leaned in and kissed her quickly on the lips.
She kissed me back, grabbing my hands, a short quick kiss that made my heart pound in my chest. We slowly moved away from each other hands still touching, not wanting to let go, until at last we went to bed.

We both headed home the next day, flying back to opposite ends of the country. Until the next time we met....

Late yesterday afternoon I stop by my favorite fast food place. The gal behind the counter has been working there for about a month, and has taken my order before. She recognizes me from previous visits, smiles and says "you want the burger with no onions and a small iced tea". I smile back and reply "great memory".

There's nobody behind me waiting so we chat for a bit until another customer comes in. Next time I'll ask her what time her shift is over, and would she like to go out afterwards to a nice restaurant to sit down and be served, instead of having to stand behind a counter taking food orders.

She's about 5 foot 5, 18 or 19, skinny, brunette, kind of cute face (6 out of 10), and her tits appear to be small yet perky. I hope she accepts my offer and we have a great night, with my beard tickling the inside of her thighs.

One of my favorite things to do is to let youngish girls 'catch' me looking at their tits and see their reaction. The best places are fast food restaurants. I like to wait til they walk past me, check out the boobs, then lift my eyes up to theirs to see if they're watching me. So, who else??

So, a question: What kind of porn do YOU want to see, that you have trouble finding?
maybe you find something close to it, but not quite. maybe you've found exactly what you're looking for, but it's either such low quality or the performer in it is so nasty or something that it's just not watchable.
So, in a perfect world, if you could commission a (LEGAL!) porn, what do you want in it? what do you specifically want NOT in it?

as for me?
I have four BIG fetishes I like:
Female masturbation
i like the narcissism in female masturbation videos. i don't like the "rubbing one off" when watching porn type. i like watching girls who are really into it. they're having sex with themselves, not scratching an itch.

Girls tasting themselves.
Fuck me. Nothing I like more than a girl, not just tasting her pussy, but ENJOYING the taste of her pussy.

Food play (not shit like spaghetti. i'm talking chocolate, fruit, whipped cream, ice cream, yogurt)
This goes back into "tasting themselves" and seems hard to find. sure, there are dozens of decent videos where a chick smears her tits with whipped cream, or jills off with a banana, but it's not quite right. Peal the damn banana, coat it with whipped cream, ride that fucker to a screaming orgasm and then eat the results! From ultra hard-core to the slowest, sweetest, most erotic uses, these things are under utilized. and good luck searching for them! Chocolate always gets you black dick, whipped cream gets you people being whipped and cum.... euphemisms so fill porn descriptions that you can't actually look for what you want to find!

i have 2 vids uploaded. one is one of my favorite foodplay videos.

Panties
specifically? clean panties. or panties that WERE clean until she started masturbating through them/in them/with them. I absolutely gag when i hear some chick in a video talk about how she's worn her panties for 17 days now and pulls them off to see them FILTHY and soiled. I have an oral fixation (should be obvious by now) and because of that, hygiene matters to me. I don't want to see piss stains and skid marks! I want pristine, clean panties that get SOAKED. And then, preferably, end up in her mouth.

i have 2 videos uploaded, one of them is a great example of panty play that is just hard to find!

what do i hate that always seems to show up?

Anal
I do not like anal. at all, in any form. and it seems to permeate everything! it wasn't that long ago it was a niche of its own. the fact that it's infinitely easier to find new videos of girls doing the most disgusting AtM than it is to find a girl rub one off with a strawberry and eat it really upsets me. Now, if she keeps it clean, and wants to do something like put in a buttplug? does nothing for me, but it isn't a game changer either. when she's dildoing herself frantically and switching holes? damn! that's filthy!

watersports
again, because of the oral fixation, waste is not appealing to me. I know some people with an oral fixation like things like piss drinking. I don't Hygiene matters to much, i can't get past how nasty it is.

dirty talking
mostly because most of it is terrible. if a girl is making a video for a specific dude and she says "i want your cock", that's one thing. she has a target audience, and what she's saying is for him. Otherwise she's just babbling stupid shit. i'd rather listen to wet noises and listen to her moan

smoking
it effects how girls taste. heard it can make her cunt taste like an ashtray. I want to see her taste that pussy and like it. no one wants to lick an ashtray

hairy
i don't mind some hair, especially trimmed. prefer clean shaved. Hairy looks dirty.

Lube
as in from a bottle or whatever. How am I supposed to think she's getting into it if she isn't getting wet?

fat, ugly, or old (or any combination)
why is it you can get an 8/10 chick to stick her tongue in some hairy dudes ass, but the only women you can get who'll fill their twats with cherries and champagne before rubbing one out, gushing the contents into a cup, and drinking it are over 300 pounds and pushing 60? (note, that video doesn't exist, to my knowledge. don't ask me for it)

Ok, i've written way too long. what do you think of what i like or am looking for? know this isn't "requests" but do you know where anything like what i want could be?
and what of my initial questions? what do YOU all want, that you just can't seem to find?
what do you always see that you're sick of seeing, or has ruined an otherwise amazing video?

she is one of my little sister friends and i wanking in my little sister friends stuff daily .. i cum on her food drinks and stuff .. one of my favorite is take her clean bikini and cum in it a few times and put it back in her clean cloth and see her wear my cum in public :)
i do a lot more stuff