I got divorced almost three years ago. I am a female, in my late 30s, and I have been married for 15 years, so I married young.

He was my first, if you dont count a few innocent hs pettings, and our sex life was pretty non existent, for the last few years of marriage. I have relived myself, many times, and eventually got sucked into the world of erotic forums, porn sites etc.

After we split up, my libido just jumped through the roof, and my online addiction sky rocketed. I wanted sex so badly, I have caught myself having these indecent thoughts about men around me, at work, at the supermarket etc.

Why didnt I do anything?

I am affraid. I have had sex with only one man in my life, and I guess I was insecure, so I stayed locked inside this cage I have built for myself.

Through all this, I started chatting with this man, some ten years younger than me, via this erotic forum. It became a form of hotting, with words at starters. Then I sent him some photos of me, without face and clothed, he sent me his, and he is a handsome, handsome man, so handsome, that I have wondered what such a good looking man is doing sexting a woman like me.

It evolved, i sent him some bikini photos, than partial nudes, and full nudes at the end, and eventually we saw each other on cam.

It was so sexy. He was raining down on me with compliments, throughout all of this, how beautifull I am, how hot I am, and such things are nice to hear. LIttle digression - I know I look good, and my looks werent the obstacle for me to find someone to have sex with - it was the other issues, I discussed earlier.

So we continued with this for more than 6 months, and it was hot, so intense. He was so good at describing things, it was like living through an audio version of the best erotic story ever written. Him, talking, made me climax every time, but looking at him through the camera didnt hurt either.

And he was obsessed with my behind, always asking for me to show it, and if I did, he would climax almost immediately. He would always tell me how he wants me from behind, or in a reverse cowgirl etc, and it got me appreciating that part of my body, and I did become aware that it does look good for a woman of my shape and size.

Long story short, after almost half of year of this, one day he sends me a message that he is coming to my country on business (we both live in Europe - different countries), and that he will be in such and such hotel, room number ..., and gives me his telephone number, for me to call him, so we could go out for dinner and, who knows.

I decided not to go, not to call him, it was all fun, but one thing is a fantasy through the weil of some anonymity, and this would be something completely different.

I was fighting myself on this one, I wanted to go, but I was scared, really scared that I will ruin it, by meeting him. You have got to understand, this was a kind of a relationship for me, something I was looking forward, seeing him online.

He was staying there for three nights. On the second night, I called him at 1 a.m. My voice was... I was scared. Asked him if I can come over to his room.

An hour later, I was there, in leather pants (god, what was I thinking), and a bottle of wine. We started going at each other immediately, we were both so desperate. He ripped my blouse off of me, and went for my breast right away. I was on fire, ready to go, like I have had hours of fore play.

And as we started to undress, I remembered his fixation, so as he was laying on his back, I got on top of him, kissed him, then turned the other way. I have never had sex in this position, so I was a bit scared, but ready to go. He had a condom on... And he came after no more than 20 seconds.

My dissapointment was inmesurable. He did try to get me off, afterwards, but wasnt good at it, so I faked it. I excused myself, and lied to him that I will see him again tomorrow, and told him it was good, it was all I was hoping for.

Never saw him again, not in real life, nor online. But this awkward experience was an eye opener of sorts. What was I affraid of?

Two weeks later, I met a man of my age, also divorced, like me, and I am having the best sex of my life.

I think this whole experience helped me understand a few things about myself. And one thing is for sure, I lost years of my life, living of sexual scraps, from my husband, later on, from online erotica, but nothing beats the real thing, when it is done right.