When I was 19 years old and in college in Florida, I got really heavy into drugs. Mainly party drugs like coke and ecstasy, and of course plenty of weed, but on occasion other drugs as well. I was out of control and living one big party life on my parent's dime while they struggled mightily to pay for me to have the opportunity they never had and go to college. Looking back I feel like a total asshole about it now as they wanted nothing more than for me to be successful and not have to struggle...sorry, I digressed.

Anyway, since I had no money and wanted to keep up my partying lifestyle and since I was always very athletic, in shape and considered "good-looking", through one of the people I met in the party scene I ended up doing some modeling to make some extra money. Pretty low rent stuff, nothing glamorous, but a couple hundred bucks a week.

This quickly evolved into the opportunity to do some "videos". It started with just masturbation videos of me lying in bed, or on a couch or in the shower jerking off. I figured I was going to do it anyway so why not get paid for it and I was getting paid $100-200 per day that I did a shoot. I could sometimes do 3 or 4 scenes in a day. The guy running the operation said he was impressed by my "re-load" ability and also that I had just the right cock for it...I'm about 8 inches, decently thick and my dick looks perfectly formed from shaft to head and can blow pretty big loads even after only a little break in between. I knew that these were primarily for gay guys to watch but I didn't care. If someone gets off from seeing me, so fucking what. I did these for a while and then he asked one day if I'd want to do some full sex movies and photo shoots and showed me some of his portfolio and all things considered the chicks looked pretty hot and we were now talking more like $300-500 per day so I jumped right at the chance.

It was a crazy scene and pretty much everything you wanted was at your fingertips. Women and drugs galore. Parties every night after shooting. We were all in the 18-22 age bracket so it was just a no responsibility show. But as quickly as I made money it went back out the door on drugs and partying. Then one night when we were partying at the main house this director used for shooting videos, him and a couple of the other "big wigs" in their operation asked me if I would be willing to do some more hardcore shit. At first I was thinking they meant bondage, s&m type stuff, but they quickly made it clear they were talking gay action. I immediately said not a chance, I was straight and no way I could do it. They pushed the matter (and a coffee table with a big pile of blow on it) and said that all the actors in their gay shoots are straight guys because that is the look they wanted in their videos, strong masculine men, not femboys. The guys just do "gay for pay" and they also said I could make up to a $1000 per shoot depending on the circumstances. At that point my eyes lit up and I think they knew they had me. I asked them more questions and they said I could be strictly a top and receive blow jobs, that I didn't have to get fucked or suck or kiss anyone if I didn't want to. I could also do bi scenes where a female actress or two would be involved. I said, what the fuck, let's give it a try.

The next week they had scheduled me in for my first scene. I was shaking like a leaf prior to which was totally not like me. In the other stuff I had already done I was totally calm and had no issues getting naked, getting hard and fucking in front of other people. It was a one on one scene with me and another guy. I was going to be swimming naked in the pool and then get out and immediately go to the lounge chair next to the pool when the "pool guy" was going to show up to service the pool and eventually me who was masturbating while watching him clean the pool. I actually was having a difficult time getting hard which was totally not the norm for me, but he came over and began blowing me for a while and soon enough I did get fully hard. I had sunglasses on and just kept my eyes closed and picturing hot women. I put on a condom and ended up fucking him in a few different positions and then to my surprise he end up blowing his load on my chest as he was riding me, then slid off my cock, dropped back down and sucked me to completion taking my load all over his face.

I said afterward that it wasn't that bad, but I didn't think I wanted to do it again...until I got my next offer and more cash. It went on like this for a while and me just doing the fucking and getting sucked. I still was primarily doing straight shoots though. Then the director came to me with a proposal for a scene. It would be me and this girl I had done some straight scenes with and we would be a "married" couple and then another guy who was coming to our house to do some repairs. But he wanted it to be a scene where me and her completely serviced this guy. We all were going to suck and fuck each other, no holds barred type stuff. I was extremely hesitant but he offered up my biggest payday yet and it was a good chunk of money for 4-5 hours of total "work". I was so far gone into the scene at that time that I agreed and said let's do this.

The day came and again I was nervous. I did all my usual prep on my "manscaping" and where I normally do everything I can to keep myself fresh down below, this time I added the step of the diet one of the other male actors recommended and his full enema routine to completely clean me out. The worst thing on a porn set when anal is involved is having a shit accident. It came time for the scene and we were in the bedroom on a king size bed where I was fucking the girl for a while then the "repair" man came in, he joined in with me "thinking" he was just going to play jointly with my wife but then he starts licking my balls and ass and pulling out my cock from the wife's pussy and sucking on it. We go through some more motions and she is sucking him then she tells me she wants to see me suck him and this is it, the moment I took a cock in my mouth. I did what I had to do and then after he fucks her it was my turn to take his cock. I was laying on my back as she sat on my face and then he started fucking my ass. Hurt like hell but I had to put up a good front. He even made a comment that got into the video about how tight my ass was. Anyway, we finished the scene after everyone had been fucked and sucked and I went out that night with some of the other people from set and we got destroyed on drugs and booze. I was fucked up beyond belief and when I got home that night I said that was it, I was done. Absolutely no more of all of it. The drugs the porn, nothing. The next day I called up the director and said to pull me from the stuff he had me scheduled for the next week. He tried to convince me and told me what a fucking amazing job I had done the day before, but I told him I had to get out. I couldn't handle the life and really was regretting all of it. I pulled the plug that day and never looked back.

So, somehow through all of this I didn't flunk out of school. I ended up completing my degree and living out a pretty mundane, boring college life and working a bullshit part-time job in one of the offices on campus answering phones and shit. Really nobody in my "normal" life had any clue about what I had done. My parents were none the wiser about anything I did partying or whatever and were proud as could be the day they saw me get my degree. I started a job with a top consulting firm and in the decade plus since, have worked hard and progressed so much in my career that I look at the "crazy" money I was making from porn and laugh at how little it is compared to now. I am engaged to a very attractive and smart girl who is an attorney and makes plenty of money herself, but also has no clue about my prior life.

I guess my biggest fear is that one day I am going to come on here and see one of my videos front and center. I know they are out there in various places on the web, but they obviously weren't under my real name and the look I had back then was very different than it is now where I am clean cut hair, have a beard, and even back then in a bunch of the scenes I had bleached blonde hair for a while and a deep Floridian tan. I guess my real name and SSN is on file with the porn company somewhere so that could somehow get out, but generally speaking I got away free and clear without any repercussions. Crazy the journey our lives take.

Hello everyone,

I am a very happy boy who appreciates the perverse side of sex and BDSM.

I am a submissive boy for Sadistic

I like extreme insertion / role playing / being humiliated / chastity / uro / training/abuse/ impact play/ needles / enemas / piss / deepthroat,/rape/CBT/ etc ...
I am a big fan of big toys and I love anal fisting.

I Seeking pain, punishment, and humiliation on cam.

I am 35, and three years ago, I became a widow. If we put the emotional trauma to the side, it has been hard ever since, because, as a single mom, my life is all about work, and providing for my children.

Sex, I forgot about it for a long time, but our bodies want what they want, and, this need has lead me to places like this one.

I started using tinder, and it was awful. I mean, the attention I got at first, was flattering, and it did help my self esteem, but if I think it through, I have always been aware of my looks. But, tinder was no good, and eventually I dropped it.

Then, in a place similar to this one, I started connecting with a few guys. Nothing special, it was an elevated version of sexting, and that kept me satisfied for a while, but after some time, that too has became monotonous.

Why didnt I meet someone in person? I cant really explain it, I felt that physical contact was something bad and that by doing it, I would show that I forgot about what happened and, I know it sounds silly, but that it would make me a bad person.

After a while, I got back to tinder, determent to try my luck. Met with this man, a bit older than me, who told me straight up, that he is married, and only wants some side action. I wanted to get this over with, considering this meeting like a healing process that I must go through, so I have said yes to a date.

I was surprised how good looking he was, and I think he was surprised as well (we both didnt show our faces on the app).

At our first date, he was a gentleman, didnt rush anything, and we connected, and I even thought - what a shame that he is married. I felt great guilt after thinking these thoughts through.

Second was a dinner date, and he bought me even further, when he showed up dressed flawlessly. I was ready to spend a night with him.

Before our third date, he flat out told me he will rent a room for us, after dinner. And it was a good, one of the best hotels in our city, and when we went into the room, I was ready to go.

I am not that experienced in sex, because, before my marriage, I only had one bf, and that was back in hs, and I had no idea that sex can be that rough, and so much satisfying at the same time.

After we were done, he gave me 100 EUR (in here people make around 700 a month - I make more, but just to give you an idea). When I asked him what is it, he told me that it is for me to buy something for the kids.

It didnt feel good, but I took the money.

Next time, he asked me if he can film himself cumming on my tits. I said yes, but without my face, so he did. I got 200 that night.

Before our third meet up, he texted me that, if I do an enema before we meet, that he will triple "the present". I knew what it meant, even though I never had anal sex in my life. But I did it, and it wasnt that bad, and I got my 600.

In the end, he asked me, for our next date, to film me giving him a blow job, with my face visible, and that would be worth a 1000. When asked, who will he show it to, he just said that he wants his friends to see it, since they loved our little cumshot clip we did before.

That is where I drew the line, and I am not seeing him any more.

But if I am being honest with myself, it was extremely exciting, having sex for money, with someone with who I would do it, and wanted to do it, for free.

And in the end, one thing is certain - no more tinder and online meet ups, ever again, time to get back to the real world, even though this little adventure was fun and it made me feel alive, I realized, that it is not the way I would like to go through life.

I need, and I deserve something better.