Ok, so I must confess that, at least recently, I prefer a well written story to videos and pictures. Perhaps it is because words can evoke images better than poorly acted lines and awkward "for the camera" sex that does not really translate well to real life.

My only real issue with literotica is the phrase "emptied my balls". I see it often in posts and stories and it stops me dead in my tracks. This led to conversations with other people and I came to realize that most people misunderstand how the male body produces semen.

So this is my mini "sex ed" for you folks: The balls produce sperm, which is microscopic. SEMEN is produced behind the bladder in the seminal vesicle. Meaning your balls do not empty when you cum. This is why you still ejaculate (sans sperm) after a vasectomy. Some of you are reading this and are saying "no shit", but trust me, there are people shaking their heads right now in shock, and some that don't believe it. I actually had an argument with someone because they didn't want a vasectomy because "nothing would come out when they had sex."

Yes, I'm fun at parties. People have their quirks. Maybe a carpenter looks at things and sees flaws in construction, artists see flaws in paintings, if there are writers reading this, they are likely picking apart my grammar and sentence structure. I notice when science is bad.

'Tis all.

---Cue Trolls in 3....2....1....go.

Just got my first blowjob from a man tonight.

The worst part is it was entirely due to boredom on my part.

Work was unusually slow tonight. My main obligation was basically to sit around for the last half of the night, just in case something happened. Got bored as Hell and started reading STUFF magazine. The pics gave me some ideas, but there was no way I was going to score pussy at work, that wouldn't cost me my job. Then to Craig's list personals, which got me more excited. I can't believe some of the shit that gets posted there. Eventually I got myself rather excited.

Then this fat little gay guy from another department comes wondering in. He always hits on me. He's creepy and even if I was gay I wouldn't be attracted to him. Of course he notices the hard on I have, and immediately goes into how he would suck every last drop of cum out of my balls. So I'm like "You talk alot of shit. Prove it"

5 minutes later were locked in a conference room, where no one should go anywhere near at night. I'm sitting on the table with this guy sitting between my legs. Staring this dude in the face I started losing my erection. Men don't do anything for me, and this fat little dude is no poster child for porn. I'm starting to have second thoughts and he's not so eager to let me leave, unitll he's given it his best shot. I lay back and start imagining one of the hot secretaries we work with and he starts working his tounge up and down my shaft.

I get hard and he starts giving me some pretty good head. He keeps changing his technique but he seems fond of ticking the tip of my cock with his tongue. As long as I don't look at him I can enjoy myself. He keeps playing with my balls. I don't think I've ever had any woman pay so much attention to my balls. It was weird, but it didn't hurt, so I let him do his buissiness. Then he started tounging my ass hole. I got a little worried what he was planning when he started tounging my asshole, and I think he sensed it so he went back to sucking my cock.

He stopped fucking around at this point and started taking it deep. I started thrusting and getting loud and he ontop of it. He had one arm across my stomach, one hand cupping my balls, and his head bobbing up and down on my cock like his life depended on it. I tell him I'm getting close, and he takes that as his cue to start twisting my nipple with his left hand and slide one of his fingers up my saliva soaked asshole. I would have hopped off the table if he weren't holding me down. I like a little bit of pain. The nipple thing worked. He hit my prostate with his finger and I cummed and twitched like I was having seizures. He sucked me off for a few more minutes after that untill I got paged.

While I was getting dressed, he asked me what were the odds of me returning the favor and I told him slim to none. After that I gave him a pat on the head and went off to answer the page.

When I got back he was gone. Which was a shame, since I was eager for some more head.

my new favorite joke

A man walks into a bar with his pet monkey.

He sits down at the bar to have a drink when the bartender screams,

"Did you see what your Monkey just did?"
"No, what?" asks the man

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table...WHOLE!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy,

"He eats everything in sight, I'm sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."

The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the
monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again and has his Monkey with
him. He orders a drink and the Monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is finishing his drink, the Monkey finds a bowl of
Maraschino Cherries on the bar.

He grabs one, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it. Then
the Monkey finds a peanut, again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted,

"Did you see what your Monkey did now?"

"No, what?" replied the man.

"Well, he stuck a cherry and a peanut up his arse, pulled them out
and ate them!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," the guy replied,

"He still eats everything in sight but ever since he had to shit
that cue ball, he measures everything first."

Hey all, was wondering if you could give me some feed back on this short erotic story I've written. All comments welcome

I stood in front of the mirror and just stared at myself for a minute. Even I had to admit, I did look pretty sexy. He was going to go wild when he came home to this. My heart was fluttering with excitement at the thought. I'd taken the utmost care to get the outfit exactly as he'd described it when we were talking about our fantasies that morning: white blouse undone to the waist showing the silk bra underneath; stripy tie knotted loosely the way I remembered the cool girls from school doing it; skirt so short you could see the bottom of my g-string; knee high socks, the kind with bows. I'd mastered the expression as well, wide eyes, a little bite of the lip, a blush - pure mock innocence. We always had fun when he dominated me and this was the ultimate game.
I looked at the clock. It had just turned five. Another half hour to wait until my man was home. I sat down on our bed and pictured what would happen when he got here. As I thought of it, him thrusting into me with absolute desire, I could feel myself getting wet. Squirming on the bed, trying to resist the temptation to relieve myself was getting difficult. But I had to wait. It would be worth it. I got up, smoothed my skirt and tried to compose myself.
Deciding to play to the naughty schoolgirl as much as possible, I sent him a text. 'Sir, I've been a really good girl today, what do I get?' I giggled softly as I pressed send, and sure enough, my plan worked. A few minutes later I heard footsteps crunching up our gravel drive. It sounded like he'd run home after receiving that. I smiled to myself as the door shut. He called my name, and I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Positioning myself leaning against the door, I put my innocent face back on.
He rounded the corner and appeared in my view, rosy-cheeked, messy-haired and bright eyed from his run home. He was gorgeous as ever though, tall, dark and handsome, nicely built with strong arms that could hold me close, and chest muscles he could actually flex to make rhythms like a drum, and beautiful eyes that I felt I could look into forever. The bulge in his suit pants was already visible as he looked me up and down, admiring me in my tiny little costume.
"Oh, god, baby", he breathed, his voice husky and lustful, his eyes still taking me in. He put his arms round me and pressed his lips to mine. I kissed back eagerly, sucking on his lower lip, and he responded by pushing his tongue into my mouth, and sliding a hand down under my skirt to squeeze an ass cheek. I was growing wetter and he harder by the second. We kissed passionately for a while, until, breathless and dizzy with desire, I broke away. With a wicked glint in my eye I led him towards our bed, pulling his shirt off as we walked. He stopped me and slid an arm round my waist, holding me close to him. His hot breath on my neck, making my skin tingle, he muttered into my ear, "I'm the one in charge here remember missy", before picking me up and throwing me onto the bed.
Standing over me, he dropped his pants. His calvins underneath were properly tented now. He saw where my gaze was and brushed over them lightly, teasing both himself and me. I bit my lip as he took them off too and stood in front of me naked, stroking himself ever so slowly. I moaned and instinctively let my hand travel downwards. He caught my eye. "Don't you dare", he hissed. "We play this on my terms, you know that." I didn't disobey. He took his hands off himself and crawled up the bed towards me. He slowly started to undress me, taking his time on the two shirt buttons I'd actually fastened, then one-handedly unhooking my bra. My nipples were hard and begging to be sucked, but he ignored this and carried on downwards, pulling off my little skirt and socks and leaving me just in my g-string. He rubbed the silk of it softly, just above my clit. I tried subtly to grind my hips up a little and have him rub me, but he was wise to my games by now. He withdrew his hand and slid back up my body. "Don't try and rush me", he said, looking into my eyes with a fiery glare. "Or I'll leave you here until you learn your lesson." I couldn't help but smile at this. The absolute power he had over me at times like this was such a turn on. This he knew, and used it to his extreme advantage.
He leaned in to kiss me again. Such an amazing, passionate kiss that I felt the breath leave me. As he kissed me his fingers brushed over my neck in a butterfly motion, round to my throat and back up, the sensitive spot behind my ear, tickling me gently until the hairs at the back of my neck stood on end. I moved my head slightly to the side and he took his cue to start shadowing the movements of his fingers with feather-light kisses. His hands travelled down, using both now, and he rubbed my breasts, rolling my sensitive nipples between his fingers. He licked down from my neck and circled my right nipple with his tongue. He tugged at it with his teeth suddenly, whilst pinching the left, and I gasped sharply through the unexpected pleasurable pain. Latching onto it with his lips, he sucked until it was better, then repeated the process on my other nipple. I was writhing by this point, wanting him to touch me so badly. He continued his oral administrations down my body, licking down my stomach in small strokes, getting slower and slower as he got further towards my pussy, which felt like it was beating out tribal rhythms by this point. He got closer, closer, closer, kissing down my cleanly shaved pussy, just above my clit. And then pulled away. I tried desperately to pull his head back, but he wasn't having any of it.
"Damn, such a fucking tease" I growled. He merely chuckled before kneeling in front of my face and bringing his cock to my lips. I couldn't complain, I did love sucking. I looked up into his eyes with the innocent look I'd been practising all day and slowly let my tongue out and licked the tip of his cock, then let my tongue travel all the way down his length, round, and back up. He closed his eyes and smiled. I loved making him happy. I opened my lips and took him properly into my mouth, inch by inch until he was right in. He let out a groan and wrapped a hand in my hair, pulling gently as I began to move my head up and down on him, sucking him right in and then letting go almost to the end, licking and then taking him right in again. I reached under to play with his balls, gently squeezing. We both knew he couldn't carry on like this for long, so I let him go and he pulled away and slid down my body again. Right down. He kissed my tattooed feet, my ankles, inching up my calves, the back of my knees, the inside of my thighs, leisurely kissing every little bit, delaying getting where he knew I wanted him. Then finally, finally, his lips touched my pussy. It was like an electrical shock being sent through my body. He used his fingers to part my lips and gently rubbed my clit, only for a few seconds, but enough to make me twitch violently. He must've sensed then that I couldn't handle much more teasing, because he lay between my legs and started licking properly, dragging his tongue from just above my ass all the way to my clit and back again, letting it dip into my slit as he did. I moaned and ran my hand through his hair, grinding my hips into his face. He stopped and tongue fucked me for a minute, before sucking on each pussy lip. He then latched onto my clit, sliding two fingers inside me as he did, and thrusting them in and out of me. I was in heaven, writhing and moaning beneath him. I could feel a climax building. He could sense it too, and his fingering became faster, his sucking more urgent. Soon I could hold back no longer and held his head to me as I shook and came all over his fingers and tongue. We lay there for a minute while my orgasm subsided, and then he came back up to the top of the bed. He pulled me close and I could feel his cock against me, rock solid, pressing into my stomach, begging to be buried deep in my pussy.
"Ride me, little schoolgirl" he whispered sexily. We rolled over until I was mounting him. I grasped his cock and rubbed it across my clit, teasing us both. Then when I could take this no longer I allowed myself to slide onto his length, filling me up. I just sat astride him for a minute to allow myself to adjust to his thickness, and then I began to ride. I moved up and down on his cock, my tits jiggling in his face. He grabbed them and squeezed them together. My moaning was starting to get very loud. I keeled over in passion, and in one swift rolling motion he was back on top. He held my legs up and apart as he fucked me hard with all his long length. I felt his entirety slide in and out of me, hitting my g-spot, squeezing my pussy around him. We were both making almost unearthly noises of pleasure now, mine a high pitched wail, his an animal, guttural sound. His breathing was as shallow as mine and I knew we were close to a simultaneous orgasm. With a few final, hard, deep thrusts, I felt my pussy walls contract around his cock, just as I felt his hot cum shooting inside me.
We just rode our orgasm out together for its duration, until he collapsed on top of me. We lay and recovered together for a while, me stroking his hair, him leaning up to give me a sweet little kiss every so often.
"So amazing baby. Thank you, I love you. And next time it's your fantasy that gets acted out."
I smiled to myself as he went to shower. Next time was going to be even more fun.

I confess I'm a life long dick flasher and I flashed and then jerked for and played with my elderly neighbor lady. In the late '70's, I lived in a rental next door to her with my girlfriend and we had gotten quite friendly. One summer morning, I'm home alone. She lived alone. We had a sun room of sorts close to the picket fence between our back yards. I had not flashed her until this day. I wanted to be careful and make it seem 'accidental'.

Lying on the couch next to the window with the shades down but windows open, I could hear her moving around in her back yard. Since I was home alone, I was naked and playing with my self. I was more than half hard. I had done a load of laundry and decided, instead of laying there and coming, I'd see if I could make something happen to make my morning more fun. I decided to walk out naked and hang out the clothes line in the back yard. When I took the laundry out back, I got more excited and became fully hard. I started hanging laundry with my back to our common fence.

I hear her say that things looked really good from where she stood. I looked over my shoulder and said I didn't realize she was outside. I covered my crotch and said I should probably put something on. She said please don't

I took that as my cue and walked to the fence. I was fully hard and my dick swung side to side as I approached the fence. I said that I hope it's ok and that I was sort of an exhibitionist. I said both me and my girlfriend were. She replied that she'd seen us a number of times naked in the yard.

Her eyes were just riveted on my hard on. I said that standing where we were, we were visible to the street, so why not come into my yard. She was only to happy to agree.

She came into my yard, and went into my kitchen with me. As we walked across my yard, I put y arm around her waist and gave her a squeeze. She did the same, except she rubbed and squeezed my butt.

When we got in, I offered her a chair at the kitchen table, and I stood right in front of her, rubbing myself. I asked if that was ok. She said it was. She said she loved how I looked and that she hadn't seen a young man naked and hard like that since her husband was that age, about 50 years before.

I offered to let her rub me, which she enthusiastically did. I was so turned on that I came in about 60 seconds. I told her I was going to cum, and she said come on my hands, which I did. She squeezed my balls with one hand as I came. I shot four big streams on her hands and arms. Man,it was so intense.

That was the first of several times where either she and I jerked me off, or she watched my girl and I fuck on the grass. She was such a great neighbor. We moved from there in January of 1980, so we had two great summers of this and many other amazing exploits. More to come!

There was a lovely braless slut in the bar last night. She's a student from the local college. Her tits bounced around all night. Her pointy nips hard for all to see. Dreaming about her last night, I dragged her screaming across the pool table by her nipples. Then rammed the 8 ball into her mouth, while a friend lifted her skirt and showing no mercy inserted the handle of the cue into her ass.