I love fake tits. I love the idea that they put the time, money, and burden into it just so the patriarchy will pay attention to them. My dick aches.

Got to distance myself from this world emotionally, or else i will crack. Leave all love, desire and lusty thoughts behind. Wish i could just pluck some brain wire off and be away with these burdening feelings.
Too many a little girl, that i've known and loved to imagine them running through the dandelion meadows, are now all grown up, married, completely different persons, doing who-knows-what with who-knows-who... while i remain that shy, awkward boy. I don't feel jealousy, just having lots of regret, and hatred for fleeting time. Clothes get old, notebooks lost, burned, ripped, trees are felled, and with them memories fade.
That world i created in my head has no princesses anymore, and it crumbles, leaving only darkness and silence. How i wish i could experience being special to someone, for once.

Now this will be a bit longer, and not very exciting, but forgive me, since it is a kind of a burden I can't share with anyone.

My husband is impotent, and I love him beyond anyone else in this world.

I had a few boyfriends before him, but when we met, I knew it instantly, that he was the one. Sex was amazing, but at that time, I genuinely thought sex is not that important, when you have love. Fast forward to some five years ago, we both came north of 40, and suddenly, he just stopped pursuing me, so I took the initiative. It did not happen over night, but I realized he has trouble getting hard, so I gave my best to help him, anyway I could, dressing up, watching porn together, constantly asking him what he wants, what is his fantasy, but I guess he knew his libido was dying, so that just made him close into himself, which eventually lead to him not being able to get hard at all. I tried convincing him to go and find some kind of therapy, and that made him even more bitter and angry, at me, himself, the world...

After a while, he started pretending like everything was just fine, and we dared not mention it ever again, and at that point, I realized, how important sex actually is.

It progressed, first I came looking for places similar to this one, only much softer, and over time my lust became more evident, and my online searches more and more hard core.

I didn't plan to cheat, but one night, it just happened, I met a man at a bar I was with one of my friends. I cried my eyes out coming back home, but tomorrow, I felt nothing but relief from what has happened. I was scared of seeing anyone more than once, since that seemed like an affair, but this one night thing, was nothing more than a natural valve for release of pressure.

Yesterday, I was thinking back on this, since we had a very touchy family celebration going on, and it affected me, emotionally, the guilt was eating me out. Thinking back, I realized, that in the past four and a half - five years, I have had sex with 48 different guys, only once with each of them. I had no idea it is that much, I would just go out searching for someone, whenever I had a chance, and whenever it felt like I can't do it anymore, not realizing, that it was once a month, on average.

Now I feel disgusted by myself, and determine, not to see anyone, ever again, and if I have to live in the online fantasy world, so be it, and I felt the need to share this.

Did you ever have a role model in life, someone you look up to, and who makes you jealous?

I did.

In hs, I had this friend, popular blonde, very beautiful, and she was my best friend, and still is, to this day, but she is not the one - her older sister. Also a blonde, very beautiful, but since she is two years older than us, I always wanted to be like her, to attract men she does, to dress the way she does, act and conduct myself, like she does.

I wanted to be her.

By all objective standards, I do look good, some would argue very good, but I always felt that I came too short, comparing to her.

All this, pretty much ruined my sex life. My bfs were all, not good enough, since I couldn't imagine that she would be with them. Later on in life, all this is responsible for thousands of dollars, I left to my therapist, trying to get rid of this infatuation with her.

First stupid thing I did, was to have sex with her college bf. We had sex in his car. She somehow found out about his affair, and dumped him. I was 100% sure she knew it was me, but no, he actually had no idea that we were friends.

While we did it, I felt like her, and it gave me the best orgasm in my life.

After that, since, you figured out by now that we stayed close after hs and college (I was a maid of honor on her sister's wedding), she started dating this big guy, and it looked pretty serious. But men will be men, and after just a few signs I threw his way, he made his advance. We had sex for over a year. That was a great time, and the sex was amazing, once again. We did everything, anal, dress up, role play, everything. But, the catch was, that after a year or so, he told me he wants to leave her, for me.

That was the best feeling in the world, but... I panicked, and just cut any ties with him. Once again, I thought she will find out. No, he just left her, without any explanation.

That is the point in which I started therapy, and after some while, managed to distance myself from all that craziness. In the mean time, she met a man she later married.

I evaded her, and everything around her, until their wedding day. He was dreamy - tall, handsome, successful.

That day, I hooked up with the best man, just because he was his best friend, and it turned into a relationship.

For seven years, I was with this man, and I was thinking of another. That sent me into a spiral of sexual deviance (I am here, am I), and fantasy. Since he was his best friend, and I was a good friend of hers, we started spending lots of time together. I didn't wanna do anything, not even try - special thanks to my therapist - but it was just pouring out of me. We would go to vacations together, and I would, for instance ,sunbathe topless, in front of them, even though I never did that before. I would wait for the right moment, to ask him, when we were left alone, to rub in some sunscreen on me. Besides vacation, I would do similar stuff, just to point his attention towards me. He didn't even look at me, I was totally uninteresting to him.

After our evenings together, we would go home and have the greatest sex ever, all because I was thinking of him, while being with my bf. After a while, I even introduced a dildo in our sex, I was riding it, while sucking him off, or sucking it, while my bf fucked me, imagining that he was with us.

Somewhere along the way, in therapy, we realized that I have shifted my obsession from her, to him, fully. I started detesting her, hating her, with all the bad things going through my mind.

Then, one evening, he told all of us that he has some problems at work, and that he can't find a trustworthy assistant. Without thinking, I offered myself. Everyone loved the idea - who can he trust, if not one of his wife's closest friends.

Maybe a month after I started working for him, I dumped my bf. It was just me and him, all day long, my time is coming.

Only it didn't. I did all I could, wearing a short skirt, showing a glimpse of garters, only to be warned that I must dress more formally. Same happened with wearing no bra on a white shirt - not professional. I gave my best, but he just wasn't interested.

This went on for years, and years, and my sex life was non existent, residing on the web of fantasies, I was living off.

I met a man, from a nearby town, with whom I started having casual sex, and, I ended up pregnant. I found out early, two weeks in. Told him, and he asked me to move in with him, asking me to marry him. I said yes, without thinking, but after further insight by my therapist, we all agreed, it was the only way for me to heal, and that that would be possible only if I go as far as possible, and cut all of them out of my life.

I have announced the news to them, gave in my two weeks notice, and they were both happy for me. She asked me to promise that we won't become strangers, and that we will visit each other.

The last day in the office, he stayed late, so did I. When I entered his office, he was surprised that I haven't left sooner, and I said something like "not without saying goodbye".

He stood up to hug me, and I kissed him. He backed off, surprised, but when I tried it again, he did the same.

Couldn't beleive it! After all the bending over, teasing, unbuttoned shirts, he didn't even get it. I grabbed his crotch, and he was hard as hell, so I just got on my knees, and started unbuttoning him. I didn't plan on kissing him, it just happened, but this, in my crazy logic, I wanted to leave him no choice, because, what man would refuse that from a beautiful woman.

He was holding one of my hands, but I put his cock in my mouth. He said something like, "no, please", but then I started thrusting hard, swallowing it all. At that point he gave in, and enjoyed.

I was so wet, I thought I would leave a puddle on the floor. It was surreal. When he came in my mouth, I swear to God, I came, handsfree, fully dressed.

He looked like he got tossed around by a hurricane.

"What a hell was this?"he finally asked.
"Nothing you should worry about, I am moving and getting married."

And that was the end of it. Two days later, we moved, and I never saw them again. It has been more than five years. She called me a couple of times, but I didn't answer, and after a while she got the message.

I have healed. This confession is kind of a burden dumping, since I can't tell this to anyone else, except my new therapist. I still have leftovers from that life, I visit this place, and there is a dildo in our bed room, but his face is not there any more.

I understand that this can be a bit overwhelming, but it is what it is. You can judge me, I get that, many poor choices are behind me, but are we even human, if we have none of those.

I confess that I want to hatefuck and break my sister in law. She has been nothing but a burden and a bitch to me and deserves a good, degrading, fuck. She went from a big titted and phat assed good girl to a colored haired pseudo-dyke over the course of my knowing her which only makes me want to break her more. Because who doesn’t want to destroy a uppity bitch. Ideas and slander towards her would be appreciated. Sorry for no pictures of her.

I confess that I'm lonely... Usually I'm not the needy type but I've been depressed lately and this is a way for me to vent without burdening anyone I actually know. For once I would like to have a girl I can say sincerely say I love you to and have them say it back and mean it as well. I dont know if it's asking too much or even if I deserve it. But I want it. Im at a point in my life where I'm out of high school graduated '07 and everyone has moved on and I've been left. I have no idea how to meet anyone and I'm also not too fond of most people. I find that most people lack common decency and genuine kindness which is probably a problem because I analyze EVERYOE and can usually figure out what they're about in 5 minutes. Even if I find someone I actually like most people upon meeting me think I'm an asshole because I'm more to myself and say what's on my mind rather than what someone wants to hear. But usually I just like to listen. Don't get me wrong I can be assertive I'm capable of holding a conversation. But usually I just like to listen and learn the type of person I'm around.

I'm on the bigger side but honestly I dont think I'm a bad looking guy. I hold myself well I do have a lot of confidence. I've just been in a long rut and It's to the point that I wonder if I'm ever going to get out of it. I'm wondering if it's me or if I just cant find a person I can click with. I know this isnt the place for a sincere post to get help. I dont know if I'm actually looking for help. I just kind of wanted to say what's been on my mind recently.

Tl;dr Baaaawww pretty much