I have a question, some of you might be able to answer.
A little prelude - I am a 41 year old, married woman, with offsprings. I have been married for 16 years, and in the last few (since covid), I have been feeling uneasy.
Our sex life is vanilla, and it has been getting worse by the day. We still have sex, but I just dont find it pleasing enough. There is some blame on my end, since, when we met, I figured him as a marriage material, because he was, and I was a bit restrained by the thoughts of what will he think of me, so I was reluctant to do some things, I usually did.
Besides that, we have a wonderful marriage, and there is nothing I would want more - besides the sex part.
You might say - surprise him, but there is a catch, even though he is wonderful, he always felt insecure about himself. Plus, I used to be a knock out (I think I still am), and he has been jealous before. On vacation, when he would catch someone looking at me, he would nag about my bikini, how skimpy it is (it was not), and I guess I just felt he would think something bad of it.
So, I turned to the internet, and here I am.
Still, this and other places around the net, havent got much to offer for a woman. Stories are ok, but not exciting enough, and my thirst has been growing.
Now it might be the time to mention, that I have had my doubts about my appearance as well. Men were all over me, before I got married, but over the years, it kind a died down. I do notice that I still gain attraction, men still wanna flirt with me, but I was used to much, much, much more attention.
So, to test this out, I installed tinder. Just for laughs, and to see if I still got it. I set my location to a big city (we live in a small town), and...
Dear god, the amount of attention I got. And I only swiped right to the best looking men. I was in awe. Messaging, sexting, all of it, was so intoxicating, that I had to pull myself together, not to get lost in this virtual whirlpool of lust.
These things do not last long, since there is always something that will happen.
He was my crush at uni. I was in love with him for more than 2 years. He was everything I ever wanted in a man - tall, manly, with strong, black facial hair (back then that wasnt as popular as it is today), he was a great student, dating the best looking girls, yet he would get into trouble and bar fights. Someone who could love me, protect me, lift me up on his shoulders and carry me around.
I knew him, and we became friends. I could feel sparks between us, but he always had a girlfriend. I saw him looking at me, but when I tried to hint something, he would get cold. So, after he broke up with one of his girls, my younger cousin, who was a freshman, asked me to try to set up a date between them.
I only did it, because I thought he would say no. She was beautifull, but tiny, while I had all the atributes of a woman. So I did it, and his face lit up when I pointed her out to him. So, they hooked up, and I was so mad at myself.
I tried evading him, but my emotions were too strong. They dated for a few months, when one night, when we were hanging out together, he got drunk, and tried to kiss me. It was wrong, it was so wrong, so I backed out. He confessed, that he is in love with me, that he has been around me for so long, because of that.
My heart was pounding, I couldnt do it to her, so I said no, with a lamenting question, that I kept on repeating "why didnt you tell me before all of this?"
Tomorrow, he broke up with her, telling her that it is because of me, which lead to a scene, that I would rather evade describing. I got mad at him, for ruining my relationship with her, and just ghosted him.
Now, he is here, on my tinder. He stayed in the city, while I got back home, and got married.
Single, and still handsome as the devil.
I couldnt resist, I ran to him, only few days after our first contact. As soon as I got into his appartment, we didnt speak, just started kissing and undressing. I was so excited, that I was on top of him within seconds, riding him so fast, that I thought I would pass out. I came, I dont know, so fast, that I am not sure if it was a matter of minutes, or seconds.
He was kissing me with such passion, that I almost started crying.
He said: "I love you"
He said: "I have always loved you"
He said: "I wanna fuck you, all day, every day, until I drop dead."
And then he fucked me in the ass. And I wanted it. And I loved it.
So, here I am, writing this, and gaining courage to leave everything behind, and move in with him. I might sound like a complete idiot, but I feel that if I dont go through with this, that I will never be able to forgive myself.
Is this destiny, or not?
Can one leave her family, for the sake of herself, and not totally regret it?
