OP again:
I was raw this morning, both my ass and my eyes (had to take off the makeup to go to work), so I told myself I wouldn't do anything tonight.
But, I ordered some new bras late last week, and they arrived today and I got immediately hard when I tried them on.
I told myself I could just jerk off wearing any one of them, but they were so pretty I had to dress up again. So I figured I would jerk it, come, and strip down, but the look was really incomplete.
So I broke out the eyeshadow, the eyeliner and the small plug again. Suddenly, the two ends of my body that were supposed to be treated kindly were lined up to be harrassed again.
I couldn't take the big dildo tonight, and I just tried jerking off while dressed, but I couldn't hold an erection. So I got the veined vibrator and tickled my sphincter while trying again and before I knew it, I was slipping the head in and finally got hard.
I decided to hell with it, and pushed through and took more of the cock in my ass and my dick immediately got hard. I went from nothing/nothing to anally filled/rock hard, and was able to jerk off again. I blew an orgasm all over the mirror in my room, then slumped back on the bed and pressed my ice cold beer bottle against my bruised asshole.
I used to freak out and tear away every piece of female clothing or makeup after I came, but tonight I made sure I stayed made up as I cleaned up. It's a thing now where I'm forcing myself to accept that this isn't just a fetish and that I love being a girl and trying to bear through the 10 minutes of disgust to carry on being my other half.
And I did that successfully. I put on a clean pair of panties, some black leggings, and my muk-liks and went about the rest of my chores for the night. It's wonderful being fucked like a woman, but similarly, it's nice being curled up in girly clothes.