My first confession here, and yes, I am new to this place. How I found it, and how I ended up here is a long story, which I can begin to explain by saying that I have always been very sexually active. You can't say that I was promiscous, but I always looked at sex as something normal, healthy and generally a thing no one should be ashamed of.
I am 38 now, female, married for almost 15 years, mom, and. a good wife. My husband is a love of my life, I am still very much attracted to him, we have good sex, and, there is not a single reason I should be unhappy. But...
My sex drive was always higher than his. At the start, when we went at each other like rabbits, I was fully satisfied, I gotta admit. But, since many years have passed, our sex is not as frequent as it once was, and that pushed me to self pleasuring, on a frequent schedule. And, long story short, I somehow ended up here, not for the porn, but for the written word, that can be mostly awful, and clearly made up, but it can be very enticing and exciting to see and read about the experiences and turn ons by others.
So, I guess this is where my story actually begins. I have always been flirty and I have been told more than once, that I am charming, as generally a very socially oriented person, but in the past few years, I have been using flirting as a kind of a vent, fully knowing that it won't lead nowhere, but still practicing it, for the fun of it. Combine that with, always growing self awareness, and the fact that I understand that time passing by is not getting me any younger, a compliment here and there makes me feel warm on the inside.
To be clear, I am objectively aware that I am above average looking for my age, but still, we all have our inner doubts, and we all enjoy our doses of serotonin.
So, in July, I went to a short holiday to Greece, with my mother and my offspring (as I understand the other word is forbidden here), as my husband was prevented to go at that time, because of work, and we also planned another little trip in August, when only we will go to the seaside.
First day, I have noticed a guy working at the kitchen bar, looking at me. It was a small hotel beach, in Rhodes, with a restaurant / caffe on the beach, and an open kitchen, looking at the beach. We chose a place right underneath it, at the top of the beach, and I caught him looking. It is not the first time someone gawks at me in a bikini, so, I forgot about it instantly. That same day, when we went to lunch at the same place, when our orders came, I saw that only my salad had eatable flower decoration on it. When I figured that out, I instinctively looked at the direction of the bar, and he was looking back, with a smile, obviously waiting for my reaction, and if I will figure it out.
That is where our game began. I thought nothing of it. He was a semi/handsome man, in his 20s I would say. Tomorrow, we located again at the top of the beach, and I deliberately started teasing him. You know, nothing special, turning the subbed so he can see me, moving my bikini so I can tan my bottoms. Again, flowers in the salad, plus, the waiter brought a rose in a little vase, only to our table.
Same the next day, as I got a little more daring, when the other two were in the water, I got my top off, to catch a few rays, while also checking if he is looking. He was.
The next day, I was deliberately standing in his sight, while oiling myself to prevent sunburns. I did it slowly, and I did it in a cheeky, sensual way. I also made eye contact for a few seconds, while doing it. And it was exciting, I must say. Not the fact that I wanted to do anything with him, but the fact that he was obviously attracted to me, and that he enjoyed this play, more than I did.
On the 4th or 5th day, I decided to drink my cocktail, standing at the bar, and as the caffe bar, and kitchen bar are continuing to one another, I chose the place at the division of these two sections. He was clearly sweating, not just from the heat, as I saw he was battling with himself if he should talk to me. For a moment, I thought that the kitchen staff is forbidden from talking to the guests, but that wasn't the case, he was just nervous. Then, I realised, he is maybe 24 or 25, and I might look scary to him, as I forgot that I am an "older lady" for him, and that made me feel bad, maybe I have over done it.
But, he found the nerve, and started talking. He was asking me, in bad English, these profane questions: where I am from, am I enjoying the holiday etc. I acted uninterested at first, but he didn't give up. The next day, I started flirting, you know, for flirting sake and my dose of serotonin, and that soften him up a bit.
How I felt? I felt wanted, and one day I even got a little horny, and sent my husband an unsolicited topless photo.
So, I guessed that will be it, even as our flirting game continued.
On day 8, I went out at the evening to the city of Rhodes, since the hotel is not far from it, by taxi, and just wandered around. My trip companions weren't up for it, so I was alone. Just walking, looking at the shop windows etc. And guess, what, around 9p.m., when I was gawking at some silly local made sandals, I heard a silent "hello".
It was him, with a grocery bag, smiling at me. My heart started beating faster, I wasn't expecting him out of the hotel. He politely asked me for a coffee, and I agreed.
What followed was very hard for me. The poor guy outright admitted his feelings for me, like a high school kid, started talking how he works those seasonal jobs during the summer, that he is from continental Greece, etc, etc... That is when I asked him about his age. 21. I felt like the crappiest person in the world. I found an excuse why I have to rush back, mumbled about seeing him tomorrow, and fled.
I thought about how I must've done harm to this young man, and that this time I went overboard, by teasing him into thinking that something could have happened. I really felt bad. Tomorrow, I chose the sunbeds lower, by the sea, so I could avoid him. When I went for a shower, since the showers are at the top of the beach, I caught him looking at me. His face... He was obviously aware that the charade is over.
On our last day, I was laying at the beach, with these thoughts racing through my mind. And at one point, it was after lunch, I just got up, and started walking towards the bar, not knowing what I actually want to say. To apologise?
As I approached, his smile was there. And I just blurred out "I wanna say bye, I am leaving tomorrow"
He was still smiling, and said something like "I liked having you around, looking and talking to you"
And that is where I snapped. "you have a place where I can give you a goodbye kiss"
Regreted saying that, the moment I said it. It looked like he was about to choke on the words not able to come out of his mouth "bed room, around corner"
As I walked to the "bed room", I had the urge to run away, but I thought, you made your bed, so now...
As I got around the corner, I realised that it was a room with spare sunbeds, not a bedroom. He was there, in his apron, breathing heavily. When I got in, and closed the door, we were in a complete dark for a few seconds, before he reached for the light. In those few seconds, a year passed in my mind.
I have never cheated on my husband. Never. My, before mentioned sexual appetite has only been fed by myself, in moments between encounters with my husband. I thought I would never cheat on him, since he really didn't deserve it, but on the other hand, I just wanted to give something to this young man, who I used maliciously, for my own fun, not fully understanding the scale of his feelings. I wanted to have sex with him, at that moment, I did, but from the bottom of my heart, I felt ashamed for wanting to cheat. So when that light came up, I got on my knees, and gave him a blowjob.
He was confused, and obviously very horny. I think he wasn't really experienced, since he was just standing there, stiff, while not touching me at all, except for a few light, gentle touches of my breasts, over the swimsuit. He didn't last long, maybe a few minutes, and he really wanted me, judging by the amount of cum, that I wasn't able to swallow by a single gulp.
When I got up, trying to hide the tremor in my legs, I acted all normal, and kissed him on the cheek. And just went out.
I can't remember the last time I was that wet.
Now, two months later, I am still haunted by this. On one hand, I feel terrible for cheating on my husband, and on the other, I can't stop thinking about that whole event. And if you are asking, no, there is no way this or anything similar will happen in the future. I am out of the flirting game, for good.
