My family thinks very highly of me. They�re very proud of me and tell me how good I�m doing. Little do they know that I hate them almost as much as I do my parents. Hate? No. More like rage, as my therapist noted. Eleven years of my life. From Four to around Fifteen. All my mother did is choose booze and drugs over me and my little brother and sister. And you people knew about it. I KNOW you did. But you did nothing. You people lived in nice homes and hid behind smiles while we slept in roach infested houses. You fought tooth and nail when my big sister stepped in to save us. Took her out of the Will.

My family thinks very highly of me. They�re very proud of me and tell me how good I�m doing. I don�t hide behind a smile, but they don�t want to see the real me. I�m 24 years old. I�ve been diagnosed with Server Depression with Psychotic Traits, Disthymea, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I�ve survived three attempted suicides. One was ODing on sleeping pills. I can�t even remember what I did the other Two times. They�re could have been a Fourth, but I�m not so sure now. I�ve been doing better the last few years. I may just have a life worth living.

My family thinks very highly of me. They�re very proud of me and tell me how good I�m doing.
But Got I�m So Fucked Up.

i have a confession.

the passed few weeks have been hard on me, i will spare you the details and just say this to start:

i am conflicted in myself, it seems im waiting on something to make me snap, just so i can beat the fuck out of something then break down and cry.

i am a male, about 25 years old.

the love of my life, just so happens to be single again, and i come down with this "psychotic episode".

i've placed myself into the sidelines, just to make sure i knew that i SHOULDNT try. i love her, in no way would i purposefully hurt her.

but as i was saying, i am conflicted and on the verge of "fuck it".
But, she helps me. she is what i need for a calming effect.
i see her, i see a future, OUR future.
when i am with her, there is no thought of "when will i get my next toke of weed".
she IS my toke of weed, she is my blue dream, she is my candy kush.

but i sideline myself, and all i can chant to myself is "best i can do, is help her along and keep her happy, because all i can do, is enjoy her company"

i want her to find someone that wants to make her happy, the last guy didnt work out to well.

where was i going with this?

i forgot, but short story into a sentence:

i love her, i cant be with her because im too fucked in the head, but she still calms me while we're together, even while she doesnt do anything other than sit there.

she is, all in all, a beautiful woman and worth the world, and i just hope she can find someone that sees her, the way i do.

Hello, did you sell your soul to satan, at night earch your motel room for cobra snakes, are you diagnosed psychotic, all while wanting to begin a serial killing spree and take over the world? If so maybe we can chat. Im white trash and im bored 25 m houston....... I need friends

Happy Thomas Cruise Mapother IV Day, everybody!

While all of those years of making pretend may have rendered him susceptibly crazy enough to buy into all that alien thetan anti-psychiatry garbage, the man can still channel that frenetic psychotic energy and craft it into some of the finest acting I have ever laid eyes upon.

His performance in Jack Reacher was simply masterful as he concealed his diminutive stature exceedingly well with many a forced perspective shot and was always quick with the rejoinder in his trademark Tom Cruise affectation. Jack Reacher will leave you stupefied as you saturate your pants with shit when the plot drops a brown bombshell of a conspiracy right on your plate, serving up a heaping helping of intrigue. Prepare for action-packed ass attack as Tom Cruise delivers a barrel of beatdown on the hapless mooks of an unscrupulous syndicate, with plenty of conspiracy to go around.

Edge of Tomorrow will disengage your socks as cocksure Army PR mouthpiece Major William Cage progresses from chickenshit to combat ready. Touring all the major news networks after a recent military victory over a seemingly insurmountable alien adversary, Cage suddenly finds himself unable to weasel his way out of the frontline of an all-out assault. An ROTC Cadet with a major in advertising, Cage has no combat experience, nor any interest in being anywhere near Europe when the fighting starts on the very next day. Demoted and railroaded into a war he wants no part of, the now Private Cage faces down his own mortality in a battle that will most certainly cost him his very life.

Go on and grab your favorite Tom Cruise flick and settle in with your honey in appreciation of one of today's best actors.

This is just a way to clear my head.
This isn't your normal confession.
This isn't some made-up story or even something that really happened. Well, not in the sense most of you are expecting (that is to say, if anyone actually reads this).

Anyway, I'm an 18 year-old boy. I'm socially awkward (5 true friends, all of them female). I'm intelligent (holding steady at 7 or 6 place in my school). I'm pretty fugly (not so much my face, I'll admit, but more my body. I'm fat and have loads of body hair). I have issues with my self-esteem (which should be pretty freakin' obvious by now). I am sexually repressed (read: first masturbated at the tender age of 12 and only ever had one girlfriend. Possibly one of the best things that happened to me, and I screwed it up). All-in-all, I'm a stereotypical nerd, glasses and all.

But sometimes, my mind goes a little weird. I'm not talking about suddenly having weird fetishes (I have them, getting to that) or dreaming strange things (again, later... well, maybe) or having a psychotic break or nervous breakdown (never happened unless it was in sports). I get these little things stuck in my head and my mind won't let it go until I do it (case in point - this post).

One of those little things that I actually have come to adore is to put whatever girl-I'm-with's pleasure first (note that I said one girlfriend. Nothing about casual hookups. Well not hookups, some making-out and me playing with her breasts). That means that I don't really care if I feel good, as long as she feels good. Well, that's a lie. Making her feel good makes me feel good. Let em tell you, nothing quite as stimulating than having a girl moan into your mouth and you know it's because of you.

Aaaaanywaaaay... This means I try a lot of things. Little kisses up the collarbone, biting the chin or neck or bottom lip (even her nose at one point. It was fun, okay?), tugging at her hair, pinching her nipples through her shirt with her bra slid down, all sorts of little things. All for her. Like I said, makes me feel good to make her feel good.

Which doesn't sound that bad, right? And it isn't. It really isn't. It's kinda fun. Make a game out of it. How fast can I make her moan? How long till she rubbing herself against me while she's on my lap? How long can I hover just out of reach before she tries to kiss me again?

But I always stop before things go to far. No touching her privates. I want to say nothing below the belt or under her pants, but I've gone groping her ass a couple of times. Anyway, this means the farthest I've ever gone is kissing, licking or biting my girlfriend's breasts and nipples (and even that didn't last long. She felt uncomfortable and, to tell the truth, so did I). Hell, that casual hook-up I mentioned? I actually stopped her from taking off her bra.

And that's not even to mention the little things that set me off, sexually I mean. A girl biting her lip? Hello, my little friend. Girl wearing stockings (which is hell in a school with a uniform, by the way)? Down boy. Lots of little things. Some strange, some not so much. A girl giggling when I do something silly like bite her nose while making out? Or looking into my eyes as we kiss? Nothing better. Nothing on earth, I'd wager.

Then there are the other things. Like lipstick. Good god, but lipstick sets me off. I've been jokingly suggesting to a lot of my girl friends (note: not girlfriends but female friends) to make leave a lipstick kiss on my mirror. Or one of my fantasy's involving a girl kissing me all over, leaving kisses like that in her wake.

Or picking her up against a wall, her legs around my waist, all the while just kissing. Having her lie down and not being allowed to do anything as I kiss her all over. Having her sit on my desk as we kiss. Little things, tame things, but hell if it doesn't get me going.

Also, sexting. Not anything really dirty (as I lack the experience), but still. One of the weirdest things was when I joked about a girl sending me a picture of a lipstick mark in her cleavage. She did it. I've never been harder in my live. But, no offense meant to her, she likes sending pics like that. Nothing explicit, but just enough to get her male friends a little hot under the collar.

I'm not saying I'm a nice guy or anything. Hell, look at where I'm posting this. But some days...

Not the point. Actually none of this has a point. This is just me venting a bit. Feels good, actually. I might have to do this again.

-ForgottenGeist, saying Hello World.
I'm still here.

... Fuck it. I was going to delete this after I wrote it (it was just a way to get rid of some things), but now that it's done... fuck it. May as well post it. give me something to coma back to when I feel like this again.

My psychotic ex accused me of stealing her phone and wallet,  until she found were she had placed them when she was DRUNK.  Then she accused me of moving them to where she found them.  Does anyone else on here get constantly accused of a bunch of BS by an unstable gf or ex? 

I confess that I cast a spell to win the lottery but found a treasure instead…
 It was not but before yesterday. The lottery jackpot was outrageously high. I had attempted earlier with my girlfriend to produce enough loosh to manifest some winning numbers. We yielded no positive results for lottery but I enjoyed our endeavors. 
 I knew if we were to stand a chance of creating any real Sex Magik, we would need more willing bodies. People that entertained a certain type of magical thinking. Likely of the Cluste-B variety..
 I created a new profile on a popular alternative hook-up app. The profile pics were nothing particularly spectacular, but I thought they communicated a certain air of a couple that were secure with themselves. The bio though, was a simple short blurb advertising my intent. I didn’t fuck around with straight couples or bullshit bicurious single males. I wanted cock and pussy. I was going to have a fucking full swap or an orgy.
 The bio detailed my plan. All participants agree upon a shared set of lottery numbers. We then set upon each other with carnal lust and the appropriate Will and invoke our manifestation. “Should we fail to produce the lottery numbers”, I penned, “we would still win in the end”.
 The last part was an extremely dry joke but it was brought up later. 
 I actually received quite a few responses but most were single men. Eventually I received a message from a person I will call Jack. Jack had wife named Jill. Jack started sending me pictures faster than I could send mine back. I was afraid I wasn’t sending enough of my gf and too many of my cocklet and I. Jack didn’t mind though. Jack thought that was just fine.
 We set up a place for the four of us to meet. I always vet people out before I stick my dick into them or their’s into me. I have a sensitive barometer for people I fucking hate and so I like to sniff new prospects out before I take them home or to a hotel.
 I had cleared the entire thing with my girlfriend before I ever ran the add on the bio but given the small community we live in, and the troubles we have had before in finding swinging bi couples, she was very surprised at how fast I had arranged such a meeting. It made her nervous for the entire day.
 My gf and I arrived at the agreed meeting place before Jack and Jill. It wasn’t quite six in the evening but it was already dark. The other couple were more than fashionable late. My gf was practically frantic from the anxiety she felt. She usually feels some anxiety on the first meeting when we swing but this was extraordinary. It highly uncharacteristic of her.
 When they arrived I suggested we all just pile into my truck for the warmth. Jack and Jill were agreeable to that and we all climbed inside the cab. Jack liked my truck and tried to engage me a little on the topic of diesel engines and vehicle models like mine. I fained little knowledge. I was more interested in fucking his hole. I mean, his wife was okay, but I liked this man from the moment I smelled him. But I would soon cum to see how very much, Jack was absolutely insane.
 At first, there was some back and forth between the four of us but it would not be long before Jack would rise to dominate the conversation totally and I was in awe at the spectacle of him. He was a juggernaut that could not be stopped. Holy shit. He was a bit shorter than me and had a muscular build. Probably procured through hard work rather than lifting weights. He wore a fleece cap but I expected a cowboy hat. He a chiseled jaw with a cleft chin. He was very handsome.
 Jill was closer to our age. She was probably your typical bpd nympho. A body of about  average but very large breasts. Scandinavian with Irish maybe? Doesn’t really matter, she had large breasts. Very fuckable in my book. Her fantasies were very dark I think. Definitely lots of psychological damage. Large breasts though. Jack would tweak on her nipples as I sometimes managed to chime in. It was very distracting in the most delicious of ways. Did I mention that her breasts were rather large? She wanted dicks rubbing together inside her. Actually I wanted that, but I knew she would have enjoyed it.
 Jack wasn’t a total dick though. He had method to his maddness. As he attempted to dazzle my gf and I with his strange stories and exploits of himself he left small oppenings. He found out quite a bit more than I tried to let on. He was much more cleaver than one might initially assume by his antics.
 Jack began to regail us with stories of killing, incest, rape, sex torture, squirting, marijuana omnitopical, drugs, his construction career, his pro-rodeo career , his porn career,he was a veteran,  how he hated his mom (I guess?), more incest,his ties to mafia, the finer points of leather stitching and yet more incest.
 Also, he only bottemed unless, “the dude was a chick”. My girlfriend looked right at me as he said that. I knew what she was thinking. I was thinking the same thing. 
 Actually, I was thinking about something totally different than her. I had been watching far too many youtube videos about people psychological problems. I had found out what type of crazy people with traits like myself find appealing. Jack was prime specimen of what is supposed to get my juices flowing. I think that youtube is right. 
 With every story, my gf became more and more apprehensive. They mentioned god 11 times. She counted. Every other story was a burning red flag. “These people are fucking kray kray!”, she said to me without speaking. Sure, the story about the squirting sex slave and tarp over the matress seemed funny at fist. But they sorta lost my gf’s interest when the said they had to beat the shit out of her and take her to a mental hospital. Because they cared. Fucking A. The story of the justified homicide did not help. 
 I knew there was no way this was going past the initial meeting between us. It was a shame. I was not sure if anything this person said was true. Pathological lying is hallmark of people with narcissistic traits. But Jack was broken in way that seemed very familiar to me. It could very well be that every story he told was crafted based on his perception of what he thought I might find interesting. It could also be that most if not all of what he said is a close approximation of reality. Chaos fills the lives of the people with traumas. Jack lived in another world at any rate.  
 We finally parted ways after two hours of Jack’s fantastic stories. Neither my girlfriend or I thought it wise to persue them but I harbor deep regrets. Jack being either human typhoon with bpd or a psychotic narcissist, makes no difference to me. The damage is the same. The sex is probably the best I will never know. I don’t even know why it would be so great. But I think it would. People say that it is. Who am I to gainsay them?
 I wanted to win a billion a dollars but instead I found a person that beyond any treasure that could compare. A person so beautifuly tortured that only I could see the true worth of. A person that would not bore me. A person that would probably murder me. A person whose emotional dis-regulation riviled my own I think. Probably eclipsing it. I am sure every day with Jack would be a whirlwind of passion and near death experiences. 
 I confess this Jack, should you ever read this and recognize me, I would have rocked your world like no fucking other. I would have made you cum with every hole I have. I would have fucked every hole of yours. I would have played every crazy mind game you set up for me. I would have made every pore of yours drip sweet and I would have drained your fucking balls. I would have fucked your body, destroyed your mind and raped your sole. You would have fragmented into a dozen or more pieces inside your mind and I would have fucked every one of them. You could have beaten me until my body was bruised and my will was broken. I could have broken you. It would have been fun. I would have saved you from god. You could have joined me with the devil. We could have found refuge in each other’s holes.
 Fuckit, I still have your number…
 

I CONFESS I need to finish this confession I planned to sexually torture my friends girlfriend/fiancee.She was socially retarded and extremely introverted.She was on tons of anti psychotic meds.A total reject,a freak and a geek,I have seen her in bars and party's sit motionless with her eyes closed for hours in public with an insane repulsive expression on her face.Her facial expressions alienated every one and she was a hideous misfit.Her boy friend,my "friend" was pretty fucked too, up kinda like her.People would say "Those two are proof there is some one for every one."She was about twenty five years old,5'7",blond and thin with a nice ass and weird hard perky tits,probably because of her bra.It is mean to say it but every one thought she was ugly as hell.It occurred to me if I got her alone I could just pull down her pants and she would not say a word.I knew she would be shocked and ashamed because though we saw each other for years all the time,I said maybe like ten words to her total.But I kept having evil perverted fantasy's about pretending to say I "love her" and Telling her "she is so beautiful" to manipulate her and make her believe it was true.I figured it would take about ten seconds until she said "I love you too." Then at that moment I would grab her roughly by the hair and pull her to a standing position and tell her "Your a fucking whore!You fucking cunt!Don't even move!BITCH!Stupid pig!" I knew she would submit,even apologize to me as I started striping her catatonic body naked,as humiliating as possible and then torturing the shit out of her.This is all absolutely TRUE.I planned out when to do it and it began.I did it for like 3 years until she got engaged to a new guy and still did it some more but as thier wedding approached she must have told her mom what I was doing to her because her mom confronted me,but I still kept escalating the abuse and degradation,until a detective called me and said "Do you know Ms.****** ****** "? She was at the police station with her mom and the detective said if I ever call her again they would file charges of harassment.I said "I NEVER WOULD BOTHER HER AGAIN." And that was the end of that.It was probably the most vile thing I have ever done.I still think about all the things I did to that poor girl.I got to take a break from typing but I want to post some of the details of exactly what I did to her.I risked a lot but now that I got away with it I am not the least bit sorry.I still need to finish this

Guess i might as well post a confession on here too. Ever since i was young (I think it started before 3rd grade even) I've been fighting depression. my mom put me on Zoloft when i was in the middle of 3rd grade, but my dad made me get off of them (parents got divorced so he didnt find out for a whlie). Ever since then i can honestly say i've never NOT been depressed...it comes and goes in spurts, and most of the time im not bad enough where i'm at the point of suicide, but lately its been gettin bad again cuz i've been workin my ass off to get my long distance GF in town (we've been dating for almost 2 years and she lives 4 hours away) among other things...

So i guess to sum up my confession i'm an emo bitch with a psychotic abusive mother and a borderline apathetic father who thinks that just cuz he got me a car he's the perfect fucking dad...honestly i dont care bout the car...sure its nice but i want a decent fuckin dad, one who's actually there for me and doesnt put my half retarted step mom above everyone else..

Just to clarify,I absolutely love women to bits. I cant imagine a life without them.(to the self important, know all responders who will insist I must have issues with a woman or women, you are totally wrong)
However, they are wired differently. we are simple cock driven creatures of lust. women, however, are jealous, bitchy, hating, self loathing, uber self conscious, devious, paranoid witches who all eventually turn batshit psychotic for the most innocuous, petty, insane reasons. a sad but true fact. thank you.

You stupid abusive fucking whore! I gave you everything, and you tore my heart out and pissed all over it! You said you'd wait for me, you said you loved me! Hope you have fun with your new psychotic boyfriend, just ask his last girlfriend! Oh yeah, SHE'S IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL! Guess where you're going bitch! Hope he was a good fuck, cause he's gonna leave your bloody cunt on the side of the road! And you deserve it you insignificant, hypocritical, fucking whooooooore!