Maybe 9 years ago I always had a huge crush on my mates hot girlfriend. My own girl, now my wife, was the girls best friend and has been for years. My mate Neil hooked up with Alicia and I was always a bit jealous when I seen them together but I got used to it. I had stolen her panties a few times in the past, they felt so good to cum in, I always put them back for her to wear. As a foursome we always went out together and had great nights. Once we crashed drunk In a hotel room with the girls in the middle of the bed. I managed to reach over my girl and grope Alicia’s tits whilst she slept. I felt over her top and then got under it to grope them properly.. fuck that made me very hard..I tried to get into her panties but couldn’t get good access the way she was sleeping.. in my drunken state I drifted off to sleep feeling down I couldn’t get her properly.. next morning nothing was mentioned by her and it was all normal. I knew then I got away with it as she was so drunk. I hoped one day to get another opportunity. Around a year later my dreams came thru. By this stage Neil and Alicia had gotten thier own place.. We went for drinks at theirs beforehand.Alicia looked stunning with a short black dress that was just about covering her ass. She’s around 5ft 9, nice slim figure, and nice perky 34B tits.. Long black hair with a glowing tan. I knew from raiding her panties before all she wore was thongs and strings. We drank a lot before we went out and also hit a few lines to get us going. My girl suggested that instead of going home after the night over we would crash at their house. Then I was getting thoughts in my head maybe I would get a chance later on to touch her if she got drunk and passed out. needless to say I bought plenty of alcohol and shots during the night for the girls. I even snuck a few to Alicia whilst at the bar together, she was in good form . By the end of the night both girls were trashed and my buddy Neil not far behind. I had been doing a few sneaky lines to keep me buzzing. We got a taxi home and the girls stumbled onto the house. Neil cracked open a bottle of champagne as soon as we in the house and also got a few lines and reefers set up. After a hour or so I went into the kitchen to get more beer and say Alicia pop a couple of pills into her mouth. I joked saying your not taking more drugs and she laughed and said no it’s sleeping tablet. My ears immediately pricked up and my cock tingled with bad thoughts. I asked how many she took and she says 3, helps her sleep after coke. I suggested to my girl and Neil we should pop a few each to help us over to sleep coz of the coke. I pretended to take 2 and then handed them 2 each as well. I watched as both popped them into thier mouths. After a couple more drinks both girls said they ready for bed, and I knew from the slurring of words they wouldn’t be long before they fell asleep. I suggested to Neil we maybe have one more blunt and then hit bed. We toked that one and then I said will we have another beer and one more joint before bed, he agreed.. I brought him a beer in and said I’m nipping up to bathroom. Thier bedroom is right beside the bathroom door.. I knew the girls were in bed almost 40 mins now so would probably be asleep. I hatched a plan thinking I’ll nip into look at Alicia by pretending to be really drunk and walking into her room, turning light on and if she woke I’d say sorry thought I was in bathroom. I knew my buddy was downstairs on the verge of passing out so I thought I’ll just have a peep on Alicia first. Her bedroom door as ajar so I walked in and turned light on, then I said ‘oh shit sorry’ loudly, no reaction. Alicia was lying on her side facing me, literally snoring her head off. She had just lay down on top of bed without taking her dress off. I walked over and shook her, again no reaction. I knew I could have some fun, but not just yet as I had to make sure Neil asleep. I slipped my hand down the top of her dress to feel her perfect tits for a few seconds. Then I slipped my hand between her thoughts but lying on her side I was still restricted. I jammed my hand as far up until I could feel her panties and warmth of her pussy, all the time watching her breathing to make sure. She never flinched. It was time to go but I knew I would be back soon. I headed to bathroom and then back down to my buddy. Once in the lounge he was out cold as well. This night was getting better!. Him and my own girl had taken 2 of the sleeping pills and out cold, plus my biggest fantasy Alicia has popped 3 of them!. I reckoned just to leave it another bit before getting my fun. I cracked open another beer and waited. After 30 mins I couldn’t wait any longer. I shook Neil to see if he would move, saying I’m off to bed mate, he just kept snoring to. Heading upstairs my heart was beating quickly. I peeped in on Alicia and she hadn’t moved at all, but first I thought double check my own girl. I need not have worried, she was lying half undressed passed out! I shook her with no reaction. She was lying in just her bra and thong. I grabbed her tits a little and pulled her thong right off to see if she moved, nothing. I’ve done loads to my girl before but tonight I wanted Alicia more. I stuck a couple fingers in her pussy to double check she asleep. She was well out, now it was time for my prize. I tip toed back over to Alicia’s room, but I think she would have slept thru an earthquake.. I done the usual, shake her, no reaction. She was still lying on her side. My cock was growing hard just looking at her. I rolled her onto her back and looked at her just lying there, stunning. I run my hands from her face, down over her tits and down between her legs. I had been thwarted a few times but no this time. I spread her legs as far apart as possible and pushed her dress up over her hips. Then I slipped the shoulders of her dress down off and slowly exposed her tits, now only her bra was covering them, with her dress now bunched up around her middle. I decided to take her bra right off, rolling her to the side and unhooked it.. lying her back down it was easy to remove over her arms.. then I started kissing round her face and neck, working my way to to her perfect tits. Sucking on her nipples they stood to attention. My hands started to wonder down to her pussy. It was convered now by only the smallest black lace thong.. I continued kissing, licking and sucking her boobs as I slipped my hand into her thong. Firstly feeling a clean shaven mound and then further down till I could feel her Pussy, which surprisingly felt damp. Playing circles with her clit as I keep sucking on her tits I could feel her pussy moisten up, before after a few minutes I slipped a finger in, and then 2. No reaction at all out of her. After 15 minutes of this she was soaking wet and I could feel her legs shake at times when I touched her clit. No it was time to taste her Pussy.. I moved down between her legs which I had at almost a 45 degree angle I pulled her thong to one side and smelled her aroma, so sweet. I dabbed at her cunt with my tongue and boy did it taste good.. I wondered if I could actually make her cum whilst she was passed out. I put 2 fingers in and out of her as my tongue worked her clit, sometimes sucking it really hard. Her breathing was staring to get quicker and I knew she would cum if I kept this up.. I could feel her whole body tense up as it built up inside her.. then she let out a big moan, which scared the shit out of me, but I knew she was close. Then came a big ahhhhhhhh as she came and her whole body shook, her juices were flowing and tasted so good as I lapped them up.. sitting back up, I checked to make sure she was still out, and she really was still snoring. I knew then I had to put my cock into her. I kept her thong on and slid it to the side again as I positioned my cock right at her Pussy entrance. With one thrust it slipped half way in as she was so lubricanted. She felt really tight which felt so good.. another thrust and I was fully 9 inches in, right to the balls. I went slow at first as she kinda jerked a few times but I thought that was as she has recently just cum and was still sensitive. My rhythm started to quicken and it felt so good. I could see her tits move with every pump I done. This wasnt going to last very long. I knew she was on the pill but I hadn’t cum in near a week so this was gonna be a huge load. I looked down at this beautiful 24 year olds body underneath me as I pounded her pussy. I was getting close to cumming so I had to stop, my cock kinda of plopped out of her pussy and I could see her juices. Now I had to cum badly. I was deciding we’re to cum and I’ve always had thing for giving girls facials. I had done it with a few ex girls who willing let me, but this would be different . I sat astride her stomach and pointed my rock hard cock at her face. Then I had an idea to use her hand to do it. Lifting her right hand I wrapped it around my dick and started wanking. Inside 10 strokes I felt it getting ready to shot. I exploded is the only word I can use to describe it. The first burst hit just above her mouth which such force it actually splattered sideways, the second seemed to shoot right over her forehead into her hair and pillow . Next one hit right between the eyes, another one hit her mouth and nose. 7,8 or 9 ropes of cum shot all over her face, hair, pillow, dripping down her neck . I’ve never seen me produce as much cum. Alicia was an absolute mess, completely drenched in cum.. I stood up and admired her covered in my juices. Time to get her cleaned up I thought. Going to towel I had another idea. I went to her panties drawer, which I’d been in many times before. I lifted a handful of thongs out, 9 or 10. I used them to clean up my cum as best I could and put them back into her drawer.She still looked sticky but I got her pretty well cleaned up. I just left her bra off and dress down, figuring she would think she’d passed out getting undressed. Putting a blanket over her to cover her up, I left the light on and left for my room. I had been in with Alicia for over an hour. Walking into my own room I almost forgot about my own girl. The light was on and she was lying exactly how I left her. My own girl is hot blonde girl. She was snoring with her legs spread and just her bra. I couldn’t resist starting to play with her bald pussy. My cock was starting to harden as I thought I could fuck another passed out pussy. I climbed up on my girl and my cock slipped right in. It was a strange feeling having my dick in another pussy so soon, plus knowing my girls best friends juices were on my cock inside her. I knew I would last longer this time so I built up a good rhythm. Even fucking my girl I keep thinking back to Alicia lying in the other room. Fuck it I thought, I’m going back into her. I got off my girl and looked at her lying there spread, but I can have her anytime. Walking back into Alicia’s room, I could see she hadn’t moved and was still snoring. I lifted off the blanket and she still looked gorgeous. This time I took her thong fully off one leg and left it around her other ankle. I went to work again on her pussy with my tongue and fingers. She was still damp from wot she had gotten a little while earlier. Her pussy looked a bit swollen and red from the pounding I gave her.. I figured I would need to bring my buddy up to bed after I was done so they’d think they had fucked and that would explain if she’s sore. In no time I had her pussy fully wet again as I worked her with my tongue and fingers. I noticed this time with her heavy breathing that her mouth had opened. This give me another idea, would my cock get in there? . I put my cock on her open mouth and then gently pressed her chin downwards to open it up more. I could get my dick into her mouth fully which felt so warm. I wondered if she would taste her pussy, my girls pussy and cum off my cock. After 10 mins or so I was kinda bored with that, and I had already decided I was gonna fuck her really hard and cum in her pussy this time, as I may never get another chance. Getting back to her pussy again I got my cock ready to get back inside her. It slipped in so easy this time but still felt as good. For the next 30 mins I fucked her as hard as I could, sweat was dripping off me. Finally I felt my balls tighten and with one final thrust I shot as deep as I could inside her, followed by 6 or 7 more bursts, again I was amazed at how much cum considering it was only an hour ago the first time. Once I gathered my breath and climbed off I could see blobs of cum leaking out of her. I scooped some up on my fingers and put them into her open mouth which felt really horny. I went to the bathroom to get a towel to clean her up as best I could. I just left her with the dress round her middle and no bra or thong on. Then I went and basically carried Neil up to bed, lying him down beside her. I took his jeans and boxers off and left his shirt on, they would definitely think they had sex. Moving to Alicia one last time, I kissed her neck and whispered your a great fuck and thank you into her ear. One last grope of her tits, plus I couldn’t resist 2 fingers in her pussy, feeling my cum inside her. I covered them up with the blanket and turned the light off before leaving the room. My girl was still lying like I left her but I was busted and just wanted to sleep. Next lunchtime when we all got up, no one could even rem going to bed! .. Alicia said something to us all about Neil must have been looking sex as her underwater round her ankles and bra off, my girl said the same I said jeez I must have been looking some to, but I can’t remember wether we did or not. Before we left I had to do one last thing. I mopped into laundry room to see if the black thong she was wearing was in the basket. And it was!! A great memento to a great night, One night in Alicia

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I confess that I want to have sex with my friend's sister. Before my friend Eddy moved a couple states away, I used to go over to his house on a pretty regular basis. This was back when we were about 12 years old and liked to pick on his younger sister, Maive, who was 7 years old. She would try to bother us in return, but it was usually in the form of tattling. That summer, I joined Eddy and his family at their lake house (which was really more of a small cottage) further north for the weekend. I thought it was odd that his sister was naked often but it turned me on, despite the age difference, and I had to hide a few hard ons. She came out of the bedroom once when her parents weren't in the cottage, she was naked, and she kicked her legs up and sang a weird song about Chinese Chickens. I was watching between her legs the whole time, since she had only nipples up top. She went into the bedroom when she finished her song and put on some clothes.

The next day, after swimming, Eddy, Maive and I all walked up the hill to the cottage and went in the bedroom to change. The bedroom was small, and had two sets of bunk beds. One for girls and one for boys. I was expecting Maive to change in the bathroom, but she took off the top and then the bottom of her bikini right in front of both of us, revealing her pink nipples and smooth, pale vagina (which she called her "mini butt"). Eddy was unfazed, and took off his trunks as if this happened every day. I took off my trunks and my penis stuck out, embarrassingly. Maive saw my erect penis, reached over, pushed it down, watched it bounce back up, and giggled a little. I noticed then that my Eddy was uncircumcised. I asked "why does your wiener look weird?" and he just said "I don't know" Then Maive walked over to him and stretched his foreskin a little. "Boys have a weenie and girls have a tickle spot" she said, standing next to her brother. "Touch it" she said to me, pushing her pelvis in my direction a bit. I nervously extended a finger and brushed the middle of her vagina a little. "See, it tickles" she said. I sat down on the bunk bed behind me and looked at her vagina, admired its smoothness, its softness, trying hard not to get up and grind my penis on it. "What are you staring at?" she asked. "Oh, it's just that the knot in the wall over there looks like a smiley face" I lamely replied, hoping to distract her. It worked, and that embarrassing moment was over.

We finished changing and went back outside to play kick the can with the other kids who lived nearby until it got dark. Eddy's parents cooked dinner, everyone ate, and we went to bed. I woke up late the next morning, as I usually do, and Eddy was already up. Maive was standing in front of her bed, and I rolled over, grumbling and stretching a little, to look at her. She heard me and turned around, saying "Oh good, you're awake! Wanna help me in the bathroom?". I thought she meant cleaning the bathroom by that so I efforted myself out of bed, still in my pajamas, and followed her into the bathroom. She then pulled down her pajama bottoms and sat on the toilet. "Wanna watch?" she asked. "Okay" I replied, surprised. I leaned in, putting my head between her parted knees to see the stream coming out of her vagina. "Want to wipe it?". "Oh, no thanks, I'm good" I replied nervously, despite that I really wanted to and had a raging boner. She then wiped and flushed, and we left the bathroom together. Fortunately, her parents were on the lake fishing, and Eddy was playing his Gameboy in the loft, so nobody noticed.

That was the last time I really saw Maive's body until a year later, after her parents were divorced and I came to visit at her mom's house. Eddy and I played two man football in the garage (yes it was as stupid as it sounds), then took a walk to BK and got some lunch, shooting the breeze, wasting time, and most importantly, getting away from Maive and her cousin, Mary, who was spending the night. Once we came back from lunch, Maive and Mary kept spying on us, which was irritating, since we were trying to play Mario Kart in Eddy's room. We hatched a brilliant plan to get rid of them, however. We paused the game and hid behind the door of the bedroom. Maive and Mary walked in, looking for us, and I shut the door behind them and stood in front of it. Eddy stood in front of the other door. "Come oooon Eddyyyyy! Let us ouuuuut!" Whined Maive. Eddy didn't move, and neither did I.

"We're not letting you out until..." started Eddy. "...until you freak us out!" I finished. "What do you mean?" asked Maive. "I dunno, lesbian stuff" I replied, grasping for an idea. "Oh, okay" Maive said, no shock in her voice. Then she whispered something to Mary and they started kissing. They were eight years old and already knew how to french kiss, which I thought wasn't really impressive at the time. The way that Maive was rubbing her leg on Mary's started to arouse me though. "Meh." I said to them, acting unimpressed. Then, Maive whispered to Mary again, and they took off their shirts. Maive was still flat, so she wasn't wearing a bra. Mary, on the other hand, had developed some small breasts, and Maive walked behind her and and removed her bra, dropping it on the floor. Mary's nipples were a tad browner than Maive's and stuck out.
Then Mary turned to face Maive, and they resumed kissing, but this time pressing their budding breasts together, nipple on nipple. My penis was super hard at this point, but being 13, I didn't know what to do about it, and Eddy was there, so I tucked it under the waist of my jeans. "You're gonna have to do better" I said. So Maive and Mary stopped kissing and took off their pants and underwear. Maive's vagina was still smooth and hairless as I remembered it, and Mary had just sprouted her first thin patch of wispy black pubic hairs. They went back to kissing again, but they pushed their pelvises together, attempting to touch their vaginas together. Maive looked over at me. "Well, at least you're not running at us or something" I said. Mary stopped kissing Maive and did exactly that. I took my hand out of my right pocket and placed it on my thigh. Mary ran to me and rubbed her vagina on my leg, touching my hand multiple times before returning to Maive, who had finished doing the same thing to Eddy. "Wellll?" Maive asked. I turned to Eddy and said "I'm a little freaked out, how about you?". "Yeah." he said. "You can go". I moved aside from the door I was blocking, and Maive and Mary, carrying their clothes, ran around the corner into Maive's room. Aside from an uneventful game of truth or dare with the girls the next day, I haven't had any more encounters with Maive. She's older now, taller, has beautiful breasts and an athletic build. I hope she's still as adventurous as she used to be.

I had fully intended to tell you all about the third time that I had had fun with my wife susan and getting her fucked by other guys, but something happened last night.

I got back from work about 6 pm and was confronted by my next door neighbour Geoff who told me in no uncertain terms exactly what he thought of susan's behaviour that afternoon.
I knew that Susan had invited a friend round that afternoon, but what I didn’t know was that the pair of them had got very drunk and the more drunk they got the louder the music had got.

Geoff''s wife Jennifer was not very well having only very recently come out of hospital after a operation.
Jennifer had been trying to get some sleep but had been woken up by the very loud music.
So Geoff had come round to our house to ask her to turn the music down.

Apparently Susan and her friend had greeted this request with a torrent of abuse, and had actually turned the music up even higher.
And this was the reason why Geoff had confronted me when I had arrived home.
I apologised to Geoff for my wife's behaviour, telling him that I would sort it out and that I would make sure that Susan apologised to both himself and Jennifer.
To my surprise Geoff said that after what Susan had said, he didn’t think that an apology was going to be good enough.

I didn’t want to lose Geoff and Jennifer as friends, so I suggested that he come in with me and talk to Susan. To which he agreed, and we both went into my house, and found Susan and her friend fast asleep in the front room. I turned the CD player off, and attempted to wake up Susan and her friend.
I managed to wake her friend up first and told her to go up to the spare bedroom.
She muttered a load of abuse for which she received a slap round the face from me, and I frog marched her up the stairs and pushed her onto the bed in the spare bedroom.

I then attempted to wake Susan up, and after about five minutes succeeded.
I then told her that I would not tolerate rudeness to Geoff especially as all he had done was ask her to turn the music down.
In spite of Susan being so drunk she did manage to apologise to a fashion.

Geoff did accept her apologise, and then said to me that this time he would forgive her, and went on to say that he hoped that I would punish her in some way.
This was music to my ears. And as Geoff had helped me to get Susan from the car into the house, and had seen everything that Susan had to offer, and had even managed to grope her when he thought I wouldn’t notice.

Without a moment hesitation I suggested to him that he should punish her,
he was taken aback by this, and asked me what I had in mind.
To which I replied, in view of the way Susan had spoken to him a good spanking would be in order.
He seemed a bit hesitant at this, so I added that seeing as how he had seen susan's tits and cunt, and had groped her as well, and added that I was sure that he hadn’t told Jennifer what he had seen and done, spanking Susan shouldn’t be a problem..

I could see in his eyes that he liked the idea of my offer.
I took him through to the dining room, and pulled out one of the dinning room chairs and told him to sit down and I would go and get Susan so as he could spank her.
I went back into the front room only to find Susan was out cold, I managed to bring her round and told her that I would not tolerate her and her friends being rude to Geoff and Jennifer.
Susan muttered something at me and I then shouted at her telling her that I was going to give her a good hard spanking as a punishment for her rudeness.
I dragged her across my knee and gave her about ten hard spanks. This certainly made her wake up a bit, and I told her that I was going to take her into the dinning room to finish off her punishment.

I stood up and carried her through to the dining room where Geoff was sitting and he had a grin like a Cheshire cat on his face.

I managed to get Susan draped over Geoff’s knee, and said to him,
Susan has been very rude to you and Jennifer and it was only right that he spank her as hard as he can.

Geoff had Susan across his knee and was resting his hand on the cheeks of her arse.
He looked up at me and I said to him, just get on with it Geoff. Give her the spanking she deserves.

And with that he cautiously smacked her arse.
I immediately told him to spank her harder as she had hardly felt the first one.
And with my encouragement he began to spank her harder.
The sound of his hand spanking Susan arse seemed to fill the room, and Susan began to sob with each spank.

Looking at Geoff's face as he spanked Susan, it was obvious that he was enjoying himself.
I suggested to Geoff that he have a short break,
he agreed to this saying that his arm was beginning to ache.

I said to Geoff, did he think that it would be a good idea to pull Susan's jogging bottoms down.
Naturally he thought this was a brilliant idea. And while Susan was draped over his knee I reached forward and grasping the waistband of her joggers I pulled them down to her ankles.
Susan was protesting about this but she did not have any say in the matter, and I sternly told her that she would continue to be spanked until Geoff thought that her punishment was enough to deter her from giving Geoff and Jennifer any more abuse.

I then turned to Geoff and told him about Susan having an affair a few years previously, and that she did not know that I knew, and I was getting my revenge by getting total strangers to abuse her.
I also told him that because of the drink she would not remember a thing the next morning.

Geoff then said to me so when I helped you get Susan in the other week that was cum all over her hair and face?
I obviously told him that it had been, and asked him if he enjoyed groping Susan when he thought I wouldn’t notice, to which he replied he had as he was not getting any sex at home because Jennifer was not well.

Still draped over Geoff knee but now all she was wearing was knickers and a t shirt., from where I had positioned myself I could see her arse cheeks were very red where her knickers did not cover all of her arse.

Geoff began to spank her again, only this time he seemed to be really enjoying himself.
Each time Geoff’s hand smacked her arse cheeks Susan squealed in pain. To say I was loving it was a understatement. And with each spank I think my cock got harder and harder.

Geoff had got into a good rhythm and was spanking her arse every fifteen seconds or so.
When suddenly he stopped and said to me, Charlie so as I can give Susan a good enough spanking to show her the error of her ways, I think her knickers will have to come off.

Without a second thought I agreed with him, and as a afterthought I said that her top will have to come off as well.

I don’t think that Geoff could believe his luck, and within seconds Susan was totally naked. Susan’s arse was now looking really red, and from where I was sitting I had a perfect view of her cunt as Geoff had now got her legs slightly parted.
Geoff raised his hand and brought it down hard onto her arse making Susan cry out in pain, again and again he spanked her and with each spank her legs got further and further apart and her cry's of pain got louder and louder.

After he had spanked her about thirty times he stopped and with his hand resting on her by now very red arse he told her in no uncertain terms that if she ever behaved like she had to himself or Jennifer he would spank her again.

I noticed that his hand was slowly moving between her legs and that his fingers were now touching her cunt, and I watched as he slowly slid two fingers into her cunt. He seemed a bit unsure of himself at this point, so I told him he could do whatever he wanted to her.

He said that there was a couple of things he would like to do to her, but felt embarrassed with me being there.
I said that if he wanted I would go and make us a coffee while he did whatever he wanted. And to give me a shout when he had finished.
At this all he could say was would you mind, and in answer I got up and went out to the kitchen. Once out there I opened the serving hatch very slightly just in time to hear him say suck my cock you bitch and next time I will spank you even harder.

Susan hates sucking cock and it really turned me on knowing that she was being forced to suck Geoff's cock. After a few minutes he called me back in, and carrying our coffee's in I was greeted by the sight of susan's face covered in Geoff’s cum.

He was looking a bit embarrassed so I said to him that if it ever happens again he can do whatever he wants to her, as I loved seeing her being abused and covered in cum. And it made it so muh better knowing that she would not remember anything the next day
This certainly made his eyes light up.

I then asked Geoff to help me to get Susan upstairs to bed, which he did.
We went back downstairs and chatted over coffee and Geoff thanked me for letting him spank her, to which I replied that it was only right in view of the abuse that Susan and her friend had given to himself and Jennifer. And that it was a shame that we hadn’t spanked her friend as well.
To which he replied that it would have been nice.

Geoff went back home and I went upstairs and added my cum to susan's by now sleeping face.
I had considered going into the spare bedroom and wanking myself off over her friend but thought better of it

Down the hatch.

Life, the Universe & everything.

Quotes from Douglas Adams, one of the funniest guys that ever lived.

RIP 1952 - 2001.
So long, & thanks for all the books.

“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”

"A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."

"Arthur hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realised there was a contradiction there and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.”

“Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B that so many people from point A are so keen to get there. They often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell they wanted to be.”

“For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.”

“God puts an apple tree in the middle of the Garden of Eden and says, do what you like guys, oh, but don't eat the apple. Surprise surprise, they eat it and he leaps out from behind a bush shouting "Gotcha." It wouldn't have made any difference if they hadn't eaten it... because if you're dealing with somebody who has the sort of mentality which likes leaving hats on the pavement with bricks under them you know perfectly well they won't give up. They'll get you in the end.”

“He shifted his weight from foot to foot, but it was equally uncomfortable on each.”

“Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”

“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.”

“I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.”

“If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep on exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.”

“If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands.”

“If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves.”

"INFINITE: Bigger than the biggest thing ever and then some. Much bigger than that, in fact, really amazingly immense, a totally stunning size, real "wow, that's big" time. Infinity is so big that by comparison, bigness itself looks really titchy. Gigantic multiplied by colossal multiplied by staggeringly huge is the sort of concept we're trying to get across here.”

“Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?”

“It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.”

“It is a rare mind indeed that can render the hitherto non-existent blindingly obvious. The cry 'I could have thought of that' is a very popular and misleading one, for the fact is that they didn't, and a very significant and revealing fact it is too.”

“It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it... anyone who is capable of getting themselves made p******** should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

“It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons.”

“Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.”

“Life is wasted on the living.”

“Many men of course became extremely rich, but this was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of because no one was really poor, at least no one worth speaking of.”

“Many words and expressions which only a matter of decades ago were considered so distastefully explicit that, were they merely to be breathed in public, the perpetrator would be shunned, barred from polite society, and in extreme cases shot through the lungs, are now thought to be very healthy and proper, and their use in everyday speech and writing is evidence of a well-adjusted, relaxed and totally unfucked-up personality.”

"Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.”

“That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.”

“The difficulty with this conversation is that it's very different from most of the ones I've had of late. Which, as I explained, have mostly been with trees.”

“The Guide is definitive. Reality is frequently inaccurate.”

“The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phase, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases. For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question How can we eat? the second by the question Why do we eat? and the third by the question Where shall we have lunch?”

“The impossible often has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks.”

“The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”

“The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair.”

“The mere thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind.”

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.”

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

“This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.”

“Time is bunk.”

“Time, we know, is relative. You can travel light years through the stars and back, and if you do it at the speed of light then, when you return, you may have aged mere seconds while your twin brother or sister will have aged twenty, thirty, forty or however many years it is, depending on how far you traveled. This will come to you as a profound shock, particularly if you didn't know you had a twin brother or sister.”

“We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!”

“We have normality. I repeat, we have normality. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem.”

“You live and learn. At any rate, you live.”

“A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about.”

“It's no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase "As pretty as an airport" appear.”

“If on the other hand he went to pay his respects to The Door and it wasn't there...what then?

The answer, of course, was very simple. He had a whole board of circuits for dealing with exactly this problem, in fact this was the very heart of his function. He would continue to believe in it whatever the facts turned out to be, what else was the meaning of belief? The Door would still be there, even if the Door was not.”

"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it."

“Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea ...”

“Men were real men, women were real women, and small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. Spirits were brave, men boldly split infinitives that no man had split before. Thus was the Empire forged.”

“You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon

airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in

deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me

when I was young!

Why, what did she tell you?

I don't know, I didn't listen!”

“...was there a reason behind it? There would be no point in asking... he never appeared to have a reason for anything he did at all: he had turned unfathomably into an art form. He attacked everything in life with a mixture of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence and it was often difficult to tell which was which.”

“Anything that happens, happens.

Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.

Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again.

It doesn’t necessarily do it in chronological order, though.”

“Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.”

“Who is this God person anyway?”

“On the way back, they sang a number of tuneful and reflective songs on the subjects of peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life, and the obliteration of all other life forms.”

“Well I think we've sorted all that out now. If you'd like to know, I can tell you that in your Universe you move freely in three dimensions that you call space. You move in a straight line in a fourth, which you call time, and stay rooted to one place in a fifth, which is the first fundamental of probability. After that it gets a bit complicated, and there's all sorts of stuff going on in dimensions 13 to 22 that you really wouldn't want to know about. All you really need to know for the moment is that the Universe is a lot more complicated then you might think.”

"`...You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them had you? I mean like actually telling anyone or anything.'

`But the plans were on display...'

`On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them.'

`That's the display department.'

`With a torch.'

`Ah, well the lights had probably gone.'

`So had the stairs.'

`But look you found the notice didn't you?'

`Yes,' said Arthur, `yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying "Beware of The Leopard".'"

"`Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.'

`Very deep,' said Arthur, `you should send that in to the "Reader's Digest". They've got a page for people like you.'"

"`This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking low over his beer, `I never could get the hang of Thursdays.'"

"Pages one and two [of Zaphod's p********ial speech] had been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form of nest which the eagle had invented. It was constructed largely of papier mache and it was virtually impossible for a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of the species but wanted no truck with it."

“this is obviously some strange usage of the word "safe" that I wasn't previously aware of.”

"`You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace. It's unpleasently like being drunk.'

`What's so unpleasent about being drunk?'

`You ask a glass of water.'"

"If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.'"

"There are of course many problems connected with life, of which some of the most popular are `Why are people born?' `Why do they die?' `Why do they spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?'"

"The fronting for the eighty-yard long marble-topped bar had been made by stitching together nearly twenty thousand Antarean Mosaic Lizard skins, despite the fact that the twenty thousand lizards concerned had needed them to keep their insides in."

"`We've got to find out what people want from fire, how they relate to it, what sort of image it has for them.'

The crowd were tense. They were expecting something wonderful from Ford.

`Stick it up your nose,' he said.

`Which is precisely the sort of thing we need to know,' insisted the girl, `Do people want fire that can be fitted nasally?'"

“What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a giant boulder you can't move, with no hope of rescue. Consider how lucky you are that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won't be troubling you much longer.”

"Ford grabbed him by the lapels of his dressing gown and spoke to him as slowly and distinctly and patiently as if he were somebody from a telephone company accounts department."

“Arthur's consciousness approached his body as from a great distance, and reluctantly. It had had some bad times in there. Slowly, nervously, it entered and settled down into its accustomed position.”

"His eyes seemed to be popping out of his head. He wasn't certain if this was because they were trying to see more clearly, or if they simply wanted to leave at this point."

"There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind."

"`You know they've reintroduced the death penalty for insurance company directors?'

`Really?' said Arthur. `No I didn't. For what offence?'

Trillian frowned. `What do you mean, offence?'

`I see.'"

"`She hit me on the head with the rock again.'

`I think I can confirm that that was my daughter.'

`Sweet kid.'

`You have to get to know her,' said Arthur.

`She eases up does she?'

`No,' said Arthur, `but you get a better sense of when to duck.'"

"The beak was a major piece of armoury. It was a beak that would frighten any animal on earth, even one that was already dead and in a tin."

"`Could we perhaps take a snake bite detector with us to Komodo?'

`Course you can, course you can. Take as many as you like. Won't do you a blind bit of good because they're only for Australian snakes.'

`So what do we do if we get bitten by something deadly, then?'

He blinked at me as if I was stupid.

`Well what do you think you do?' he said. `You die of course. That's what deadly means.'"

"Mark turned and asked a passenger behind us if these planes ever crashed. Oh yes, he was told, but not to worry - there hadn't been a serious crash now in months."

"Virtually everything we were told in Indonesia turned out not to be true, sometimes almost immediately. The only exception to this was when we were told that something would happen immediately, in which case it turned out not to be true over an extended period of time."

"Komodo dragons sleep headfirst in large burrows. It is a very, very, very bad idea to even think of pulling its tail."

“Plenty of people did not care for him much, but then there is a huge difference between disliking somebody -- maybe even disliking them a lot -- and actually shooting them, strangling them, dragging them through the fields and setting their house on fire. It was a difference which kept the vast majority of the population alive from day to day.”

“Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own laws.”

“The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place.”

“The big corporations are suddenly taking notice of the web, and their reactions have been slow. Even the computer industry failed to see the importance of the Internet, but that's not saying much. Let's face it, the computer industry failed to see that the century would end.”

“One of the problems of taking things apart and seeing how they work - supposing you're trying to find out how a cat works--you take that cat apart to see how it works, what you've got in your hands is a non-working cat. The cat wasn't a sort of clunky mechanism that was susceptible to our available tools of analysis.”

“For thousands more years the mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the first planet they came across - which happened to be the Earth - where due to a terrible miscalculation of scale the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog.”

“The technology involved in making anything invisible is so infinitely complex that nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand million, nine hundred and ninety- nine million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety- nine times out of a billion it is much simpler and more effective just to take the thing away and do without it.”

“Since this Galaxy began, vast civilisations have risen and fallen, risen and fallen, risen and fallen so often that it's quite tempting to think that life in the Galaxy must be (a) something akin to seasick - space-sick, time sick, history sick or some such thing, and (b) stupid.”

“It wasn't his job to worry about that, though. It was his job to do his job, which was to do his job. If that led to a certain narrowness of vision and circularity of thought then it wasn't his job to worry about such things.”

“All you really need to know for the moment is that the universe is a lot more complicated than you might think, even if you start from a position of thinking it's pretty damn complicated in the first place.”

“Computer, if you don't open that exit hatch this moment I shall zap straight off to your major data banks and reprogram you with a very large axe.”

“I think all cats are wild cats. They just act tame if they think they'll get a saucer of milk out of it.”

“Look, would it save a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?”

“Now, either you all give yourselves up now and let us beat you up a bit, though not very much of course because we are firmly opposed to needless violence, or we blow up this entire planet and possibly one or two we noticed on our way out here!”

“Rome wasn't burned in a day.”

“The great thing about being the only species that makes a distinction between right and wrong is that we can make up the rules for ourselves as we go along.”

“The most misleading assumptions are the ones you don't even know you're making.”

“There is probably buried in the Western psyche a deep taboo about eating anything you've been introduced to socially.”

“Totally mad. Utter nonsense. But we'll do it because it's brilliant nonsense.”

“We are not an endangered species ourselves yet, but this is not for lack of trying.”

“Don't you understand that we need to be childish in order to understand? Only a child sees things with perfect clarity, because it hasn't developed all those filters, which prevent us from seeing things that we don't expect to see.”

“If you really want to understand something, the best way is to try and explain it to someone else. That forces you to sort it out in your own mind. And the more slow and dim-witted your pupil, the more you have to break things down into more and more simple ideas. And that's really the essence of programming. By the time you've sorted out a complicated idea into little steps that even a stupid machine can deal with, you've certainly learned something about it yourself. The teacher usually learns more than the pupil does.”

"Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in..."

"...he was at least twice as unbalanced now, and quite liable to fall off whatever it is that well-balanced people are supposed to be balancing on."

"In his dreams he was walking late at night along the East Side, beside the river which had become so extravagantly polluted that new life forms were now emerging from it spontaneously, demanding welfare and voting rights"

"Busy executives often didn’t have time for a full-time wife and family and would just rent them for weekends."

"It was impossible for Arthur to know this, but he just went ahead and knew it anyway."

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer."

Pregnant Chinese student blackmailed into letting other students...
suck her pregnant nips.

http://news.asiantown.net/read/11144.html

lol at url and lol at story

A schoolgirl in Shanghai has been blackmailed into breastfeeding classmates at her school in order to hide her pregnancy.

Sina News in China reports that the teenage girl fell pregnant to her schoolmate boyfriend and gave birth to her child in secret, concealing it from everyone but her family. However on her return to school her boyfriend, who she�d since broken up with noticed her clothes were dampened by leaking breast milk.

The cunning youngster put two and two together and hatched a devious plan to gain a free meal, and some cash. The boy blackmailed the girl forcing her to breastfeed him or he would reveal her secret to the world. But he then got greedy and began charging a selection of his friends money to suckle from the same teat.

As the demand for breast milk came from more and more classmates, teachers eventually found out about the shenanigans and put a stop to it. The boy was disciplined by his school but will not face criminal charges.

I cheated on my current girlfriend with my ex. It was during the recent lunar eclipse. We got in her car, folded the back seats down, and fucked like there was no tomorrow. I was laying on my back and she was on top and we were going at it so hard that my head kept hitting her back hatch. Fogged up all the windows. Good ass sex.

With a flash, that's how it happened. One minute, a sober, law abiding citizen of these United States, the next, a nearly artistic expression of the concept of excess. Sitting here watching a girl in an online video sucking off a guy who's so hung it looks like his cock carries the last, best hope of an entire civilization. The Centaurs, perhaps. This gentleman could very well be the last surviving member of some physically superior, but somehow mentally deficient race. Amply endowed for physical procreation, they lost out to the Sapiens Sapiens only because they couldn't keep a coherent thought in their head.

Like me, now. Abused, like this poor girl's vagina. Taken apart and ravaged by a merciless, self-inflicted, night-long procession of weed, cocaine, beer, and some combination of alkyl nitrites. Time has dilated. This young lady on my screen has clearly been getting systematically destroyed by this man's member for at least a fortnight, yet the little time scroll only indicates an elapsed time of 11 minutes and 42 seconds. Hardly enough time for this much damage to have been done. And worse, oh god worse, is the fact that there appear to be 43 minutes and change left of this horror. I can only assume one thing: anal.

Back to the drugs. They were legion and I took them all on. Impossible to win this particular battle, but I felt it might be... informative. And oh, it was. Lessons have been learned. Where to start? At the beginning, then...

Cocaine is a boring drug when you are alone. There are brief moments (anal achieved, by the way) of bio mechanical thrill, but they are fleeting and increasingly difficult to recreate. More time, by far, is spent in often futile masturbation, consumption of free internet porn, internal debate about whether or not further cocaine consumption would help the situation or just send the whole thing right over the edge into sweating, ceiling-staring regret, wishing to blazes that alcohol actually did anything close to "taking the edge off", and constantly checking your texts, your messages, your email, just to see if anyone has reached out to you.

Much better, to be sure, to engage in social activities with like minds whilst enjoying your cocaine. Said cocaine to be doled out in small, reasonable installments. Surely, company would force some sort of order onto your consumption. A better plan was never hatched. But where to find these people? At this hour? With yourself in this condition? Certainly there are bars open at this hour, but frankly you're not certain you could maintain any sort of composure were you to be exposed to more than two human beings in a go.

The Internet! The Internet, of course, can solve this conundrum. All that needs be done is reach out through the wires to others, fresh others, capable of sympathizing. Capable of engaging - in the proper way. Capable of recognizing in you some humanity, and of not seeing the jabbering junkie you imagine yourself to have become. Surely, someone out there can help you. You can connect on some level with another person.

Just an update, they're venturing into toy/cock double penetrations now. And with still just a little less than half an hour left to go in the clip. I can no longer anticipate what their next coital move will be. No matter. I must get on with writing this screed. I will choose to hope for leather. Or perhaps for a cheerleading squad to burst down the door and engage in a Sapphic pillow fight / tickle fest the likes of which might bring mighty Mount Olympus crumbling down.

Right. The drugs. And... the Internet. Ah yes, I recall my drift now. The search for contact. So into the depths of Craigslist I dove. Only thing for it. The Personals. But to whom to reach out? In which section? To Strictly Platonic, perhaps. But surely those people who are only looking for platonic friendship aren't awake at this hour. It would be like shouting into an empty ballroom. Rants & Raves? Go fuck yourself. I've been in there. It's no place for the drug-addled. You could find yourself swimming around in some neo-fascist's self-confirming, but ultimately faulty, whirlpool of logic. No. Better to stay closer to shore. Casual Encounters it must be.

And Casual Encounters it was. Hours of waiting for an interesting post from someone who was reasonably close and who was looking for something I might have to offer. I offered drugs. And music. And a relaxing environment. But mainly the drugs. Surprisingly few nibbles. Perhaps I came on too strong. I don't recall the exact text now, but my own ad must have been something wonderfully subtle like, "Ski for Blow". It seemed better to wait for someone else to post an ad I felt I could respond to.

More waiting. More drugs. More re-reading and refreshing, hoping something had changed, that something new had come up so that you could skim through it and dismiss it for nearly any reason...

Hey, who can help me find a thread? I'm trying to find a thread from a week or two ago. OP said she had matched with her friend's dad on tinder and had hatched a plan to hook up with him in a hotel room with a hood on so he didn't know it was her. Last I saw, she was about to meet him the next day. I wanna see if it actually happened and how it went. Does this sound familiar? Can anybody link me?

Some adult literature for anyone interested in reading.

So there he sat, staring out his window as he had for almost three weeks straight since his wife had left him. Davis, an average Joe mechanic with barely a cent to his name, had been spiraling down into an alcohol based vortex, to which he couldn't find the means to free himself of. So instead of getting on his feet to find inspiration for life, in his chair, beside his window, is where he would sit.

It was odd, how the remaining thoughts and memories of his late wife had been reduced down to nothing but flash backs of their most passionate sexual experiences. He often found himself growing hard within his pants, but too depressed to do much of anything with it. He couldn't find the motivation, even to get himself off, which was fairly rare for a 27 year old male.

Beside the house that Davis was staying in, was a moving truck. Davis gazed with bored eyes at the graphics on the side of the truck box, leaning his head into his hand. It seemed that the movers were unpacking a few loads of random pieces of furniture and kitchen appliances. He shrugged off what ever entertaining thoughts that were trying to process in his mind, and glanced away for just a short moment.

His eyes darted back with curiosity, seeing a woman, who couldn't have been more than seventeen years old, step out from a small black hatch-back. She wore shorts that exposed the majority of her pale thighs, a form fitting comic book t-shirt, and flats for shoes. Her hair was a dirty blonde, and she wore thick, black rimmed glasses.

The town was small, so after losing his wife, Davis didn't really have much of a choice of women around. They were either too old, or under-aged. He didn't want to risk a sentence in prison, so even entertaining thoughts of pedophilia had been out of the question. This girl however, seemed to catch his attention, just by stepping out of her vehicle.

Davis continued to watch, seeing the girl walking up to an older man, presumably her father, and embrace him with a hug. Davis got a good view of the girls round, firm backside in those short-shorts of hers, as she stood on her tip-toes, her back facing Davis' house, to hug her father. After a few short words, she turned back towards her small black hatch-back, giving a glance over her shoulder slightly to see Davis in the window. Not even a double take was given. Just that single glance. But that glance had David aroused.

Davis let out a slow breath through his mouth, watching the girl open the back door of her car, and bend over to grab something from the floor of the back seat. Her backside was a sight to behold. Especially in those shorts of hers. After admiring the curvature of her ass, he heard her father call over.

"Sarah! Hurry up, we only have this truck for another two hours!" The girl grabbed a few more small boxes from the back of her car, and then turned, using her hip to bump the door shut before starting back. "Sarah.." Whispered Davis to himself, who had found his hand rubbing at his hardening shaft through the front of his low rise denim pants.

Almost as if she had heard him, Sarah would pause, turning to look at Davis through the window. Davis felt his heart sink, watching her kneel down to set the box on the paved drive-way, and start to cross his lawn. Davis shut the curtains in a panic, hoping that she wasn't coming to his place. He hoped hard. Harder than anything he had ever hoped for. Did she see him rubbing himself? Did she hear him call her name? Why was she walking towards his house?

A knocking sound rapped at the wood of his front door..

(More to come if you guys want. This was just the intro piece. Let me know what you think!)