Once again an Ashley Madison contact turns out to be fake. What a shock! This person, who went by the name "Vanessa," sent me a message and we traded four or five emails over the course of a week. She sent me five pictures in all, which I'm guessing came from some random Facebook account. She told a pretty convincing story: forty years old, in the midst of a divorce, born in Scotland and brought by her parents to the States when she was still a child. The parents died in a car wreck some years back. She was a freelance makeup artist who mostly worked on movie locations and, in this particular instance, was on a shoot in Turkey but planned to be back in our home town in about a week.
Her emails were long and personal, explaining that her husband had booted her out for a younger woman and how she hadn't had much luck on A/M until I responded to her initial inquiry. She also hadn't had sex in about a year, etc. But there were a few red flags that told me, pretty much right away, that this was going to be a scam. First, she never discussed what part of the city she lived in, while also mentioning nothing that would have indicated her familiarity with the area, despite my questions along those lines. And while her vocabulary was sophisticated, she occasionally used words that weren't quite what she meant, or expressions that seemed stilted. I've been an editor for many years and have a pretty good ear for when people are writing in English but it's not their first language. That was definitely the case here. Finally, her emails got sexual fairly quickly, as if we'd skipped a few steps in the normal man/woman getting-to-know-you phase.
I was curious to see where this would lead. So even being 95 percent sure this was bogus, I went along and provided equally engaging replies, while making sure not to give away any specific personal details. With her alleged "return to town" just a couple of days away, I was ready for the hook. And sure enough ...
In her final email to me, she wove a tale of woe that was equal parts entertaining and absurd. She claimed she needed to retrieve her makeup shipment from a local source, but the supplier had raised his prices and she didn't have enough cash to make up the difference. She claimed to ask the film production company to "give her a raise" but in the same sentence insisted they would only pay her upon completion of the job. She ended her email like this:
"What hurts most is that I do not have enough money on me to sort the bill and really hate myself for what I am about to do. I am at a crossroad, can you possibly lend me some money? I will pay back once I return home."
You see what I mean by the odd syntax?
OK -- there are so many things wrong with this scenario. First, if she was only retrieving her makeup supplies now, a couple of days before leaving for home, what the fuck had she been using on the movie set up to that point? Second, who goes to some foreign location as a makeup artist without having one's supplies in hand, since you could hardly expect to find the unique items she claimed to require in some random place in Turkey. Third, what kind of company that deals in such exotic items -- she insisted this was all custom stuff -- does not also take credit cards or, conversely, who goes overseas without having the means to withdraw funds from an ATM. It's fairly certain most places in Turkey are somehow connected to the international banking system, right?
Here was my reply:
Hi Vanessa:No.
Nice story, though. And by the way, we say "crossroads," not crossroad.
Love,
Zac
Naturally I did not receive a reply. But just to play with this person's mind a bit more without giving away too much of my game, I sent this email the following morning:
Hi Vanessa,So -- does this mean we're NOT getting together when you "return"? That's a shame. I was looking forward to sliding my talented tongue into your sweet "Scottish" pussy. Does it taste like haggis? LOL!
Your friend,
Zac
